All You Dirty Scene Boys...
Jeffree Star just emailed me.
S/he says i have sweet words.
All those days of rocking out to "We want Cunt" and "the Natives" really pay off.
Matty B.
Thursday, August 31, 2006
Show Stopper
Things really turned around for me yesterday.
I had this appifany: I don't have to be a cold heart bitch all the time.
I mean, yes it is absolutly fabulous, and every one loves to hate you,
but what if people loved to love me?
It's a foreign concept, but with everything that's been happening, it's not really worth being an asshole all the time.
Miss Business has been sick the past couple of days, so i havn't had my BFF there with me at school.. Which is uncomfortable for me.
I found myself with my usual school lunch: an apple, a banana, and chocolate milk, and i was looking around, and i didn't really have anyone to sit with. Wait- that's a lie: i didn't have anyone to sit with.
EVERYONE hates me.
As they should. I haven't been the most appealing or friendly person since i've gotten back to school. I am absolutly sick and tired of people talking about Mr.Oz.
GET OVER IT
Mr.Oz and I areOVER
It sucks because the first thing people ask me, is "OMG! I haven't seen you all summer! How are you and Mr.Oz? You two were SO SO cute together! I really miss seeing you in the hallways, holding hands. You two were adorable! I KNOW you're life partners! I mean, look at the way you two are together. You are SO in love. I just remember you two making my day so much better!"
It's thrilling to tell people that we broke up, he wants to fuck other people, and that he's not in love with me.
It is really my pleasure to be stopped every 10 feet by some stupid bitch with a huge bleached white smile, tell me all this shit abou thow we're "so cute" or "meant to be, i know it".
We Broke Up.
He doesn't love me.
Do you want me to put it in a simpler term for you?
♥
I really put myself in a social handycap being with Mr.Oz all last year.
I don't know anyone this year,
and no one knows me.
they know "us".
It sucks, because i'm a nrew and different person.. and no one can see that. it doesn't matter that we broke up, they still insist on bringing it up.. As if they are trying to pursuade me to get back together with him, as if I HAVE ANY SAY IN THE MATTER AT ALL. and for clairification? I DON'T.
So here I am.
trying to start a new page of my life.
new clothes.
new hair.
new attituse on life.
single.
trying to mingle.
..and "nice" (or as close to nice as i'm going to get)
take me or leave me, bitches.
Matty B.
DON'T WORRY- to those people who don't deserve life, i'm still i nasty bitch, but in general to people that aren't half bad, i think i can learn to be... nice. or at least civil.
Things really turned around for me yesterday.
I had this appifany: I don't have to be a cold heart bitch all the time.
I mean, yes it is absolutly fabulous, and every one loves to hate you,
but what if people loved to love me?
It's a foreign concept, but with everything that's been happening, it's not really worth being an asshole all the time.
Miss Business has been sick the past couple of days, so i havn't had my BFF there with me at school.. Which is uncomfortable for me.
I found myself with my usual school lunch: an apple, a banana, and chocolate milk, and i was looking around, and i didn't really have anyone to sit with. Wait- that's a lie: i didn't have anyone to sit with.
EVERYONE hates me.
As they should. I haven't been the most appealing or friendly person since i've gotten back to school. I am absolutly sick and tired of people talking about Mr.Oz.
Mr.Oz and I are
It sucks because the first thing people ask me, is "OMG! I haven't seen you all summer! How are you and Mr.Oz? You two were SO SO cute together! I really miss seeing you in the hallways, holding hands. You two were adorable! I KNOW you're life partners! I mean, look at the way you two are together. You are SO in love. I just remember you two making my day so much better!"
It's thrilling to tell people that we broke up, he wants to fuck other people, and that he's not in love with me.
It is really my pleasure to be stopped every 10 feet by some stupid bitch with a huge bleached white smile, tell me all this shit abou thow we're "so cute" or "meant to be, i know it".
We Broke Up.
He doesn't love me.
Do you want me to put it in a simpler term for you?
I really put myself in a social handycap being with Mr.Oz all last year.
I don't know anyone this year,
and no one knows me.
they know "us".
It sucks, because i'm a nrew and different person.. and no one can see that. it doesn't matter that we broke up, they still insist on bringing it up.. As if they are trying to pursuade me to get back together with him, as if I HAVE ANY SAY IN THE MATTER AT ALL. and for clairification? I DON'T.
So here I am.
trying to start a new page of my life.
new clothes.
new hair.
new attituse on life.
single.
trying to mingle.
..and "nice" (or as close to nice as i'm going to get)
take me or leave me, bitches.
Matty B.
DON'T WORRY- to those people who don't deserve life, i'm still i nasty bitch, but in general to people that aren't half bad, i think i can learn to be... nice. or at least civil.
Jim Bean, Yoga, Toga, Cigarette, I'm So LA
I made a new friend today.
We'll call him Mr.Rightous, for lack of better term.
Usually, i'm a stingy bitch, always looking for the worst in people, but i really enjoyed talking to him. He is decentlt younger than me (maturity wise) but i think that i can safely say that it was a nice positive talk that we had.
I mean, i've known him for a while, but i;ve just never made the effort to outstreach my arms to this other "in-school-gay". It's a refreshing change. You know, people liking me, instead of hating me.
Hehe.
Matty B.
I made a new friend today.
We'll call him Mr.Rightous, for lack of better term.
Usually, i'm a stingy bitch, always looking for the worst in people, but i really enjoyed talking to him. He is decentlt younger than me (maturity wise) but i think that i can safely say that it was a nice positive talk that we had.
I mean, i've known him for a while, but i;ve just never made the effort to outstreach my arms to this other "in-school-gay". It's a refreshing change. You know, people liking me, instead of hating me.
Hehe.
Matty B.
Monday, August 28, 2006
Holy Cleaness, Man
My soul was slightly rekindled today.
After work, i walked down the outdoor mall,
my legs throbbing,
my head pounding,
my shoulder aching from carrying my AP EUROPEAN HISTORY book around all day.
I was mosying to the sound of Jewel yodeling her poetic antics all around me,
when i saw the most innocent thing:
Right as I sat down on a flat rock to wait for my roommate,
I saw two slightly unattractive gay guys walk out of the theater.
Right as Paris Hilton's song "Stars are Blind" came on the plaza speakers,
one sheepishly asked the other what he wanted to do.
the more scrawny one blushed and said that they could go to his place,
or whatever, but just hang out if he wanted.
the bigger, more attractive one dug one of his hands out of his pockets,
and grabbed the scrawnier one's.
What did we learn today?
You can be as mean as you want.
You can hate as much as you want.
You can destroy everything you put your hands on, and try to ruin people,
but at the end of the day,
You just want someone's hand to hold.
no matter how much you deny it.
no matter how much you try and hate people for it.
you still have a heart.
I still have a heart.
..and it melted for these two akward gays.
Matty B.
My soul was slightly rekindled today.
After work, i walked down the outdoor mall,
my legs throbbing,
my head pounding,
my shoulder aching from carrying my AP EUROPEAN HISTORY book around all day.
I was mosying to the sound of Jewel yodeling her poetic antics all around me,
when i saw the most innocent thing:
Right as I sat down on a flat rock to wait for my roommate,
I saw two slightly unattractive gay guys walk out of the theater.
Right as Paris Hilton's song "Stars are Blind" came on the plaza speakers,
one sheepishly asked the other what he wanted to do.
the more scrawny one blushed and said that they could go to his place,
or whatever, but just hang out if he wanted.
the bigger, more attractive one dug one of his hands out of his pockets,
and grabbed the scrawnier one's.
What did we learn today?
You can be as mean as you want.
You can hate as much as you want.
You can destroy everything you put your hands on, and try to ruin people,
but at the end of the day,
You just want someone's hand to hold.
no matter how much you deny it.
no matter how much you try and hate people for it.
you still have a heart.
I still have a heart.
..and it melted for these two akward gays.
Matty B.
You Meet Me, You Complete Me.
So It is official. I have been awake for 2 1/2 hours, and i'm feeling good about it. which is really weird, because everyone knows how much i like to sleep. (it's one of my favorite activities.)
I just spent the last hour creating a webpage, using basic HTML, but it's cool, because it turned out really nicely, considering i did it so quickly, and it's all just a bunch of words. heh. It's really neat, and I'm really proud. It's easily the best page in this room.
...but then again, i don't really have any competition. My page consists of two graphics of me, one leading to MYSPACE when you click on it, and the other my My Blog.. then my myspace background as my page background.
in a room of people who don't have any backgrounds, or pictures, or links.. FUCK for pages that say," INSERT CONTENT HERE" or "COOL DUDE" as their content, i really don't have much competition.
My teacher is really impressed.
Matty B.
So It is official. I have been awake for 2 1/2 hours, and i'm feeling good about it. which is really weird, because everyone knows how much i like to sleep. (it's one of my favorite activities.)
I just spent the last hour creating a webpage, using basic HTML, but it's cool, because it turned out really nicely, considering i did it so quickly, and it's all just a bunch of words. heh. It's really neat, and I'm really proud. It's easily the best page in this room.
...but then again, i don't really have any competition. My page consists of two graphics of me, one leading to MYSPACE when you click on it, and the other my My Blog.. then my myspace background as my page background.
in a room of people who don't have any backgrounds, or pictures, or links.. FUCK for pages that say," INSERT CONTENT HERE" or "COOL DUDE" as their content, i really don't have much competition.
My teacher is really impressed.
Matty B.
Sunday, August 27, 2006
Saturday, August 26, 2006
And Then I Missed You...
So yesterday was my first day of school.
Let me tell you that it was the craziest fuckin day, ever. (well, not EVER, but pretty close)
We'll start off easy:
I woke up.
I had a nutritional breakfast (3 slices of cantelope, a small glass of milk, and some coffee).
I was about 3 minutes late to my first hour class [on purpose of course, because i was looking TRES HAUTE COUTURE, and it's imperative that i make an entrance.] where i was greeted with a lot of astounded stares, and a few girls blushed when i smiled at them.
So i was sitting there in "Coyote Time" and i get a note to go see the Principal.
Apparently she wanted to talk to me about things that were going on within the school. [that basically was all settled after they told Miss Business that she was a worse person for hanging out with me, then i ripped them a new one.]
After the principal, i went to my applied tech class (which is basic HTML coding, plus graphic design and animation multiplication) which was full of HORRIBLE DIRTY SHINY ROUND FRESHMAN.
I almost stood up and left the room.
..but i stayed, and apparently, i'm really good at this whole webpage design thing. i even made a page before the class was over. People clapped.
BLAH BLAH LUNCH BLAH BLAH
after lunch, we ditch the rest of the day, and i go to my HAIR SHOW!
i walked the run way, and i was a crowd favorite.
i had so SO SO much fun, and bitch i looked fierce.
It was cool because i got to spend a lot of time talking with Mr.Platnum, and smoke lots of cigarettes. i LITERALLY smoked all the way to the stage, put it out, walked, posed, and then lit up another cigarette. It was Heroin Chic Downtown LA. FABULOUS.
Well, i'd love to write more,
but i'm meeting Eric at the Trident.
Matty B.
afterwards, i went over to my grandma's house, and took a shower and ate a baked good. it was delicious, considering
So yesterday was my first day of school.
Let me tell you that it was the craziest fuckin day, ever. (well, not EVER, but pretty close)
We'll start off easy:
I woke up.
I had a nutritional breakfast (3 slices of cantelope, a small glass of milk, and some coffee).
I was about 3 minutes late to my first hour class [on purpose of course, because i was looking TRES HAUTE COUTURE, and it's imperative that i make an entrance.] where i was greeted with a lot of astounded stares, and a few girls blushed when i smiled at them.
So i was sitting there in "Coyote Time" and i get a note to go see the Principal.
Apparently she wanted to talk to me about things that were going on within the school. [that basically was all settled after they told Miss Business that she was a worse person for hanging out with me, then i ripped them a new one.]
After the principal, i went to my applied tech class (which is basic HTML coding, plus graphic design and animation multiplication) which was full of HORRIBLE DIRTY SHINY ROUND FRESHMAN.
I almost stood up and left the room.
..but i stayed, and apparently, i'm really good at this whole webpage design thing. i even made a page before the class was over. People clapped.
BLAH BLAH LUNCH BLAH BLAH
after lunch, we ditch the rest of the day, and i go to my HAIR SHOW!
i walked the run way, and i was a crowd favorite.
i had so SO SO much fun, and bitch i looked fierce.
It was cool because i got to spend a lot of time talking with Mr.Platnum, and smoke lots of cigarettes. i LITERALLY smoked all the way to the stage, put it out, walked, posed, and then lit up another cigarette. It was Heroin Chic Downtown LA. FABULOUS.
Well, i'd love to write more,
but i'm meeting Eric at the Trident.
Matty B.
afterwards, i went over to my grandma's house, and took a shower and ate a baked good. it was delicious, considering
Tuesday, August 22, 2006
I Will Break Into Your Thoughts, With What's Written On My Heart
I don't know how to take things lately.
Things have been absolutely crazy lately.
This sickness hasn't been going away.
I serisously can't eat ANYTHING.
I can't even drink water.
Plus side? I've been loosing weight like crazy.
Down side? Odd sleeping hours, and heartburn. (oh yeah, the hunger thing, lol.)
But the MAD amounts of pills have been easing up on that. (which aren't doing anything, i might add.)
Ho Hum. At least I'll be skinny at the end of all this.
This whole "drama" with MR.OK is dying down. He's too afraid to say anything to me.
(Basically he's a coward, but we knew that already).
His little friend from Oklahoma has been been emailing me,
But it doesn't matter because he's fat, shiny, zitty, and over all repulsive.
..So i have a lot of material to work with.
With Mr.OK there wasn't quite as much, but I still a plethora of stuff to use.
His little friend though, this kid is ABSOLUTLEY GROSS.
It's amusing.
So i read something today, and i'm quite sure how to take it.
I think that i'm very open inblog, and not very coy as to how i feel.
..Which sometimes gets me bit in the ass,
But at least i'm honest, right?
Point of the story?
I was reading Mr.Oz's blog today,
and in it he said that he was looking at old pictures of us (not that specifically, but i'm not a dumbass)
some old memorabelia,
some letters that were exchanged,
..and burned them.
I kind of just sat there, in disbelief.
I mean, I know we're not together,
nor have we been for a while,
And i realize that he wants/needs to experience life or whatever..
..Start over, if you will.
But that's a big part of who I am today.
I don't think he realizes how much i changed.
(Whether or not i knew it/ wanted to).
I'm a better person after knowing him,
after loving him,
And even if his intensions were pure,
It just sucks that he wants to let something like that go.
Because I don't want to.
I'm proud of the person I've become,
and when we were together,
i was VERY proud of the person he became.
He took such amazing strides,
And that showed me a lot,
and instigated change within myself.
And the fact that two people could change so much for eachother,
and still care in the end..
Well, i wouldn't give that memory up for the world.
Matty B.
I don't know how to take things lately.
Things have been absolutely crazy lately.
This sickness hasn't been going away.
I serisously can't eat ANYTHING.
I can't even drink water.
Plus side? I've been loosing weight like crazy.
Down side? Odd sleeping hours, and heartburn. (oh yeah, the hunger thing, lol.)
But the MAD amounts of pills have been easing up on that. (which aren't doing anything, i might add.)
Ho Hum. At least I'll be skinny at the end of all this.
This whole "drama" with MR.OK is dying down. He's too afraid to say anything to me.
(Basically he's a coward, but we knew that already).
His little friend from Oklahoma has been been emailing me,
But it doesn't matter because he's fat, shiny, zitty, and over all repulsive.
..So i have a lot of material to work with.
With Mr.OK there wasn't quite as much, but I still a plethora of stuff to use.
His little friend though, this kid is ABSOLUTLEY GROSS.
It's amusing.
So i read something today, and i'm quite sure how to take it.
I think that i'm very open inblog, and not very coy as to how i feel.
..Which sometimes gets me bit in the ass,
But at least i'm honest, right?
Point of the story?
I was reading Mr.Oz's blog today,
and in it he said that he was looking at old pictures of us (not that specifically, but i'm not a dumbass)
some old memorabelia,
some letters that were exchanged,
..and burned them.
I kind of just sat there, in disbelief.
I mean, I know we're not together,
nor have we been for a while,
And i realize that he wants/needs to experience life or whatever..
..Start over, if you will.
But that's a big part of who I am today.
I don't think he realizes how much i changed.
(Whether or not i knew it/ wanted to).
I'm a better person after knowing him,
after loving him,
And even if his intensions were pure,
It just sucks that he wants to let something like that go.
Because I don't want to.
I'm proud of the person I've become,
and when we were together,
i was VERY proud of the person he became.
He took such amazing strides,
And that showed me a lot,
and instigated change within myself.
And the fact that two people could change so much for eachother,
and still care in the end..
Well, i wouldn't give that memory up for the world.
Matty B.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Here She Starts To Die.
Fully Alive is the best way to describe it.
That's how i feel right now.
In this carcass of a sickness-sticken body,
My hatred is just brewing.
And between the two of us, i think you know how much that is (considering, i don't believe in god and all).
I like the top left one the most, because after he hacked into my connexion,
i changed everything (even my email) so that he couldn't get in..
and i quote," It's really easy to hack if i have the right tools!"
Where are your tools now, you little bitch?
The left and the bottom are just two of (about 50) people that want his ass grass.
Where's your army now, you dirty little slut?
Kisses!
Matty B.
Fully Alive is the best way to describe it.
That's how i feel right now.
In this carcass of a sickness-sticken body,
My hatred is just brewing.
And between the two of us, i think you know how much that is (considering, i don't believe in god and all).
I like the top left one the most, because after he hacked into my connexion,
i changed everything (even my email) so that he couldn't get in..
and i quote," It's really easy to hack if i have the right tools!"
Where are your tools now, you little bitch?
The left and the bottom are just two of (about 50) people that want his ass grass.
Where's your army now, you dirty little slut?
Kisses!
Matty B.
Friday, August 18, 2006
97.5 And Dropping
Matty B. found his kryptonite today.
To fill the foid (which it did)
Matty B. dove deep.
Now almost naked and shivering,
i put on your shirt to remind me that you used to love me.
You know the one with the ripped off sleeves,
that you went to the hospital in,
And I went to the hospital in.
I wrap myself into a cacoon,
and burrow deep into my comforter that was my grandma's.
Hopefully from the only two people that loved me deep enough to wrench my soul,
it will cure me.
*I pray*
God, please help me.
I've only felt this feeling a few times,
once in the hospital,
once in court,
once when we broke up,
and now.
Thanks, i needed a punishment.. the day after my birthday.
I'm not meaning to hurt you.
I want this,
and i'm not going to give it up, just because the universe is punishing me.
Matty B.
Matty B. found his kryptonite today.
To fill the foid (which it did)
Matty B. dove deep.
Now almost naked and shivering,
i put on your shirt to remind me that you used to love me.
You know the one with the ripped off sleeves,
that you went to the hospital in,
And I went to the hospital in.
I wrap myself into a cacoon,
and burrow deep into my comforter that was my grandma's.
Hopefully from the only two people that loved me deep enough to wrench my soul,
it will cure me.
*I pray*
God, please help me.
I've only felt this feeling a few times,
once in the hospital,
once in court,
once when we broke up,
and now.
Thanks, i needed a punishment.. the day after my birthday.
I'm not meaning to hurt you.
I want this,
and i'm not going to give it up, just because the universe is punishing me.
Matty B.
Wednesday, August 16, 2006
What's Good For The Goose, Is Good For The Gander...
So I broke it off with Mr.OK today.
He lied about the following things:
*He doesn't have a liscence
*He was only in his relationship for 6 months (not 2 years)
*He's not emancipated
*He was soliciting sex from guys online
*He was taking to his X
*There was no car accident
*I mean nothing to him
*He called Miss Business a Bitch/Fat/Pug Face.
It doesn't matter if she's a bitch or not, i'mthe only person allowed to call her that. PERIOD.
I saw the stranger again today.
We'll call him Mr.OZ.
So I proposed an "Open Relationship" with Mr.Oz.
He thinks itd be unfair to me..
.. But what's mroe unfair?
Not being with me because he thinks he needs to experience more,
or be with me and fuck other guys.
(of course rules would be established)
..But if he can fuck other guys, i can too.
Execept the kicker?
He does things [sexually] that no other guys would do..
[Im NOT kinky! i just love a good rim job!! Can you blame a girl?]
And as for the sexual use of handcuffs...
I've never been comfortable enough with anyone to talk about it. LOL
What can I say?
He does what i like,
because he's a fast learner.
And i like that.
Matty B.
So I broke it off with Mr.OK today.
He lied about the following things:
*He doesn't have a liscence
*He was only in his relationship for 6 months (not 2 years)
*He's not emancipated
*He was soliciting sex from guys online
*He was taking to his X
*There was no car accident
*I mean nothing to him
*He called Miss Business a Bitch/Fat/Pug Face.
It doesn't matter if she's a bitch or not, i'mthe only person allowed to call her that. PERIOD.
I saw the stranger again today.
We'll call him Mr.OZ.
So I proposed an "Open Relationship" with Mr.Oz.
He thinks itd be unfair to me..
.. But what's mroe unfair?
Not being with me because he thinks he needs to experience more,
or be with me and fuck other guys.
(of course rules would be established)
..But if he can fuck other guys, i can too.
Execept the kicker?
He does things [sexually] that no other guys would do..
[Im NOT kinky! i just love a good rim job!! Can you blame a girl?]
And as for the sexual use of handcuffs...
I've never been comfortable enough with anyone to talk about it. LOL
What can I say?
He does what i like,
because he's a fast learner.
And i like that.
Matty B.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
What Do You Feel When You Look In The Mirror?
So i have new fierce hair.
Cascading black, pouring from explosions of red.
New Job:I start on thursday
A New look: Preppy meets Emo= Scene.
Some new friends: Mr.Platinum and Mr.Str8Breif -" How did you knwo about my jumprope?!"
And a new look on life: Your friends watch out for you, so follow their advice.
Matty B.
So i have new fierce hair.
Cascading black, pouring from explosions of red.
New Job:I start on thursday
A New look: Preppy meets Emo= Scene.
Some new friends: Mr.Platinum and Mr.Str8Breif -" How did you knwo about my jumprope?!"
And a new look on life: Your friends watch out for you, so follow their advice.
Matty B.
Saturday, August 12, 2006
Who Are You?
I met someone last night. he reminded me of someone i used to know,
but he was a completely different person.
The only way i could tell that it was him,
is that he knew all of me and Miss Business' personal inside jokes.
We talked for hours last night.
I could barely keep it together.
After probably the most AWKWARD 3 1/2 hours ever,
i found myself changed.
And i don't know how to feel about that.
Matty B.
I met someone last night. he reminded me of someone i used to know,
but he was a completely different person.
The only way i could tell that it was him,
is that he knew all of me and Miss Business' personal inside jokes.
We talked for hours last night.
I could barely keep it together.
After probably the most AWKWARD 3 1/2 hours ever,
i found myself changed.
And i don't know how to feel about that.
Matty B.
Friday, August 11, 2006
One Step Forward, Three Steps Back
Recently i read one of his blogs a few days ago, and left him a comment.. Basically apologizing and explaining my "venemous" behavoir. According to Mr.SpeedRacer, "Matty, you're really good with your words, especially when you hate somebody.
Poin of the story?
I try to make amens.
Start over, if you will.
So he sends me this message, and I reply ----V
Then, a close, personal BEST friend of mine recieves this. -------^
Hm. Motives?
How does he REALLY feel?
At this point, there is no point.
Matty B.
Recently i read one of his blogs a few days ago, and left him a comment.. Basically apologizing and explaining my "venemous" behavoir. According to Mr.SpeedRacer, "Matty, you're really good with your words, especially when you hate somebody.
Poin of the story?
I try to make amens.
Start over, if you will.
So he sends me this message, and I reply ----V
Then, a close, personal BEST friend of mine recieves this. -------^
Hm. Motives?
How does he REALLY feel?
At this point, there is no point.
Matty B.
Thursday, August 10, 2006
Robot Rock
Today has just been go gO GOING! I woke up this morning with a start because Miss Business was calling Eric's phone trying to get ahold of me. Apparently in an hour from then i was to be at her house, and talk with her parents.
GO GO GO!
Then she got a Papsmear. (spelling?)
I was horrified.
Let me tell you, if wan't gay before...
FF to the rest of the day...
Clean Clean Clean!
WORK!
MOWING THE LAWN!
run into some friends,
run into more,
exhaustion.
depletion.
ciagrette.
Matty B.
Today has just been go gO GOING! I woke up this morning with a start because Miss Business was calling Eric's phone trying to get ahold of me. Apparently in an hour from then i was to be at her house, and talk with her parents.
GO GO GO!
Then she got a Papsmear. (spelling?)
I was horrified.
Let me tell you, if wan't gay before...
FF to the rest of the day...
Clean Clean Clean!
WORK!
MOWING THE LAWN!
run into some friends,
run into more,
exhaustion.
depletion.
ciagrette.
Matty B.
I Guess Wicker Shelving Is Out?
I spent a good portion of the day helping Eric with errands. Well, it wsan't really helping, it was more like tagign along for the ride.
So here's the break down of the evening:
*Eric picks me up, and we go down to Longmont to get his mom, her boyfriend, and his grand daughter.
*We take them to the Coors Event center, where we drop them off at the Nickleback concert.
*We run around and do errands for a few hours, get food at Noodles, and Ice Cream at Coldstone. (I swear, Eric is one of the most selfless people i have ever met, and he amazes me.)
*Pick up Poppa and Gigi from the concert, take them home, and then head back to denver.
*1am? That's right, getting gas, almost getting killed, and then getting happy meals to fill out bellies. (that's right, i got Polly Pocket)
*Coffee with Nic and Eric and Mr.Anaconda. Gossip, tears, laughs, life experience.. Basically, the whole 9 yards.
* I come home, to find that i have a new "Blog Subscription Post." Who's blog am I subscribed to? And why did i not know that i made subscriptions? Oh yeah. It was Mr.Perfect's.
*After reading a (less wordy, less direct, and less overly hurtful [than mine, but i'm just good with my words], but effectivly clear and to-the point) blog, i leave him an apology. I think that it was about time for one. So i was nice, polite, clear and to-the-point honest, and humbled myself to ask him, [HIM?!] for forgivness.
Now i'm sitting here, about to pass the fuck out, thinking what i could have done differently...
And it would've been to never let him leave my house.
It would've been to let him come over after his ridiculouly long Panera Bread shift.
It would have been to stop being such a maurder, and open up.
Like Mr.OK said to me last night, yo ureally need to open up to people, i guess it's hard when you are so hurt.
I just hope that everything will be alright.
I'm off to bed, and to assess my current relationships with my lover, friends and least favorite, family.
Matty B.
I spent a good portion of the day helping Eric with errands. Well, it wsan't really helping, it was more like tagign along for the ride.
So here's the break down of the evening:
*Eric picks me up, and we go down to Longmont to get his mom, her boyfriend, and his grand daughter.
*We take them to the Coors Event center, where we drop them off at the Nickleback concert.
*We run around and do errands for a few hours, get food at Noodles, and Ice Cream at Coldstone. (I swear, Eric is one of the most selfless people i have ever met, and he amazes me.)
*Pick up Poppa and Gigi from the concert, take them home, and then head back to denver.
*1am? That's right, getting gas, almost getting killed, and then getting happy meals to fill out bellies. (that's right, i got Polly Pocket)
*Coffee with Nic and Eric and Mr.Anaconda. Gossip, tears, laughs, life experience.. Basically, the whole 9 yards.
* I come home, to find that i have a new "Blog Subscription Post." Who's blog am I subscribed to? And why did i not know that i made subscriptions? Oh yeah. It was Mr.Perfect's.
*After reading a (less wordy, less direct, and less overly hurtful [than mine, but i'm just good with my words], but effectivly clear and to-the point) blog, i leave him an apology. I think that it was about time for one. So i was nice, polite, clear and to-the-point honest, and humbled myself to ask him, [HIM?!] for forgivness.
Now i'm sitting here, about to pass the fuck out, thinking what i could have done differently...
And it would've been to never let him leave my house.
It would've been to let him come over after his ridiculouly long Panera Bread shift.
It would have been to stop being such a maurder, and open up.
Like Mr.OK said to me last night, yo ureally need to open up to people, i guess it's hard when you are so hurt.
I just hope that everything will be alright.
I'm off to bed, and to assess my current relationships with my lover, friends and least favorite, family.
Matty B.
Tuesday, August 08, 2006
At Some Point, We're All Old Maids.
Insecurity has been a really big issue with me lately.
I've been doubting my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and even myself.
I just spent the past hour watching Sex and the City [Season 5, Episode 3],
The entire episode was about how it was nearly impossible for Carrie to get the four girls together for Charolette's birthday.
By the middle of the episode, the fab four find themselves in Atlantic City where Charolette is paranoid about her age, Miranda is Paranoid about her ass, and Samantha is paranoid about the faithfulness of her lover.
I, again, find myself in the position of Samantha.
I hear from Mr.OK that he's cheated on his X before.
Fantastic.
What is my rule for that sort of person?
Once a cheater... I think you know the rest.
So of course I sit and toil about it.
Unhealthy, of course [but when am i ever healthy?] but i still insist on doing it.
I trust him, don't get me wrong,
but for some strange reason, i still have douts in myself: not unlike Samantha.
So here's the question of the hour:
Why get myself so worked up over nothing?
I mean, i know him, i trust him, and he clearly cares about me.
Is it me that i doubting?
After this whole drama that i've been having with [he who will not be mentioned again in this blog] AGAIN,
I find myself very insecure..
And that leads me into becoming Miranda.
Unlike Miranda, i did not just have a baby.
So what's my excuse for this weight gain?
it's not considerable, but it definatly poses a threat to my personal views on my body.
My skin is NOT flawless,
My hair is greasy and a mess,
My weight has increased,
and my sex drive has plummeted.
[not to mention the fact that i am even MORE on edge with people lately]
WTF is going on with me?
I absolutly feel utterly lost.
Which leads me into Charolette.
I pictured myself being with [he who will not be mentioned again in this blog] for the rest of my life,
and yet i'm sending him emails about how alone he is?
I'm giving Mr.OK shit for being immature,
Yet i'm the one telling my X that he has no one to look to.
[weather it's true or not, i definatly should keep that shit to myself]
*sigh*
-About 5 Minutes Pass-
I can barely see, now.
My fingers are slittping all over the keyboards because i'm an absolute wreck.
I don't understand how something can get so complicated so fast.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm trying to fix EVERYONE and their mother's lives right now,
when it's mine that i need to be focusing on.
I've been drowning in other people problems and sorrows, because i don't even dare to think about facing mine.
-About 10 minutes Pass-
You hurt me a lot.
I don't think you can understand that.
I gave you everything that I had to offer,
and you turn me away.
Now, I offer you my friendship, and apparently you want nothing to do with that.
..Yet you're the one that can't keep it together?
No that i'm making steps to move on,
i see your face and an immense saddness overwhelms me, and i can barley stand.
Now i'm crying here in the corner,
and you couldn't give two shits about me.
What kind of person are you?
oh yeah, you arent.
-20 minutes pass-
So i've been sitting here typing for almost an hour.
my tears are dry,
my heart is cold.
my body is broken.
Baby, I'm trying my hardest to be the best person I can be for you.
I just want you to know that it's just going to take some time to heal.
Thank you for being here for me.
Matty B.
Insecurity has been a really big issue with me lately.
I've been doubting my friends, my family, my boyfriend, and even myself.
I just spent the past hour watching Sex and the City [Season 5, Episode 3],
The entire episode was about how it was nearly impossible for Carrie to get the four girls together for Charolette's birthday.
By the middle of the episode, the fab four find themselves in Atlantic City where Charolette is paranoid about her age, Miranda is Paranoid about her ass, and Samantha is paranoid about the faithfulness of her lover.
I, again, find myself in the position of Samantha.
I hear from Mr.OK that he's cheated on his X before.
Fantastic.
What is my rule for that sort of person?
Once a cheater... I think you know the rest.
So of course I sit and toil about it.
Unhealthy, of course [but when am i ever healthy?] but i still insist on doing it.
I trust him, don't get me wrong,
but for some strange reason, i still have douts in myself: not unlike Samantha.
So here's the question of the hour:
Why get myself so worked up over nothing?
I mean, i know him, i trust him, and he clearly cares about me.
Is it me that i doubting?
After this whole drama that i've been having with [he who will not be mentioned again in this blog] AGAIN,
I find myself very insecure..
And that leads me into becoming Miranda.
Unlike Miranda, i did not just have a baby.
So what's my excuse for this weight gain?
it's not considerable, but it definatly poses a threat to my personal views on my body.
My skin is NOT flawless,
My hair is greasy and a mess,
My weight has increased,
and my sex drive has plummeted.
[not to mention the fact that i am even MORE on edge with people lately]
WTF is going on with me?
I absolutly feel utterly lost.
Which leads me into Charolette.
I pictured myself being with [he who will not be mentioned again in this blog] for the rest of my life,
and yet i'm sending him emails about how alone he is?
I'm giving Mr.OK shit for being immature,
Yet i'm the one telling my X that he has no one to look to.
[weather it's true or not, i definatly should keep that shit to myself]
*sigh*
-About 5 Minutes Pass-
I can barely see, now.
My fingers are slittping all over the keyboards because i'm an absolute wreck.
I don't understand how something can get so complicated so fast.
I can't do this anymore.
I'm trying to fix EVERYONE and their mother's lives right now,
when it's mine that i need to be focusing on.
I've been drowning in other people problems and sorrows, because i don't even dare to think about facing mine.
-About 10 minutes Pass-
You hurt me a lot.
I don't think you can understand that.
I gave you everything that I had to offer,
and you turn me away.
Now, I offer you my friendship, and apparently you want nothing to do with that.
..Yet you're the one that can't keep it together?
No that i'm making steps to move on,
i see your face and an immense saddness overwhelms me, and i can barley stand.
Now i'm crying here in the corner,
and you couldn't give two shits about me.
What kind of person are you?
oh yeah, you arent.
-20 minutes pass-
So i've been sitting here typing for almost an hour.
my tears are dry,
my heart is cold.
my body is broken.
Baby, I'm trying my hardest to be the best person I can be for you.
I just want you to know that it's just going to take some time to heal.
Thank you for being here for me.
Matty B.
Monday, August 07, 2006
Ha Ha Who Ha, Ha Who Ha, Ha Who Ha Who Ha.
So we went to coffee tonight at the 24 hour starbucks with Mr.OK and (let's call him Mr.Squeak, yes, as in pip squeak.)and his sister.
So I'm sitting in the living room watching my favorite show ever {Making the Band III} and Mr.OK text's Mr.Squeak to see what he is doing. (Apparently i need to make a more consious effort to be nice to him) So we go to coffee.
Sitting.
Talking.
Mindless babble about nothing.
Followed by Mr.Squeak reminding everyone that at our previous coffee rendez-vous i thought buffalo burgers were made out of chicken.. Asshole.
ANYWAYS,
Him and his sister abruptly move to another table,
so that they can talk to a different friend, who ABSOLUTLY CANNOT sit at our table with us.. He needs "privacy" of sorts.
An hour passes,
my phone dies,
Mr.OK is freaking me out with his fake foot fetish,
pretending he's going to lick my foot, ETC.
They re-join us,
the sister wants us to come in and buy products from her salon..
holy AWK.
So i hear some beeping.
I ignore it,
Look around,
and go about the conversation.
BEEP.
Hm.
BEEP BEEP.
Hm..
I look over to the little excuse of a man,
and i see that the minute he closes his phone,
My boyfriend's phone lights up.
Knowing me to not be the jealous type, [HA]
I naturally assume the worst.
And what does he confirm?
He mentions that Mr.OK's best friend from Oklahoma is fat.
Then he mentions her by name.
SO
1.) He's texting my boyfriend.
2.) He's More than happy to drive to some random place in the middle of the night to see "us" (him)
3.)He goes to his myspace, and is familliar enough with it to know his friends, and the name of his friends.
4.) So kindly keeps pointing out how stupid i am.
WO
Matty B.
So we went to coffee tonight at the 24 hour starbucks with Mr.OK and (let's call him Mr.Squeak, yes, as in pip squeak.)and his sister.
So I'm sitting in the living room watching my favorite show ever {Making the Band III} and Mr.OK text's Mr.Squeak to see what he is doing. (Apparently i need to make a more consious effort to be nice to him) So we go to coffee.
Sitting.
Talking.
Mindless babble about nothing.
Followed by Mr.Squeak reminding everyone that at our previous coffee rendez-vous i thought buffalo burgers were made out of chicken.. Asshole.
ANYWAYS,
Him and his sister abruptly move to another table,
so that they can talk to a different friend, who ABSOLUTLY CANNOT sit at our table with us.. He needs "privacy" of sorts.
An hour passes,
my phone dies,
Mr.OK is freaking me out with his fake foot fetish,
pretending he's going to lick my foot, ETC.
They re-join us,
the sister wants us to come in and buy products from her salon..
holy AWK.
So i hear some beeping.
I ignore it,
Look around,
and go about the conversation.
BEEP.
Hm.
BEEP BEEP.
Hm..
I look over to the little excuse of a man,
and i see that the minute he closes his phone,
My boyfriend's phone lights up.
Knowing me to not be the jealous type, [HA]
I naturally assume the worst.
And what does he confirm?
He mentions that Mr.OK's best friend from Oklahoma is fat.
Then he mentions her by name.
SO
1.) He's texting my boyfriend.
2.) He's More than happy to drive to some random place in the middle of the night to see "us" (him)
3.)He goes to his myspace, and is familliar enough with it to know his friends, and the name of his friends.
4.) So kindly keeps pointing out how stupid i am.
WO
Matty B.
Wednesday, August 02, 2006
And For This Challenge, None Of You Will Be Going Home...
Mr.OK has been through an emotional whirlwind.
Parents,
Grandparents,
Jobs,
Living,
It's been a wreck.
BUT..
I waved my magic wand,
Sweet talked some parents,
used a few favors,
pulled a few strings,
and things are looking better.
He even got a job at this cute little french-louisianian breakfast nook..
(where we had one of our better dates)
I'm just so proud of him.
he really pulled it together for me,
and we totally tackled it.
Matty B.
Mr.OK has been through an emotional whirlwind.
Parents,
Grandparents,
Jobs,
Living,
It's been a wreck.
BUT..
I waved my magic wand,
Sweet talked some parents,
used a few favors,
pulled a few strings,
and things are looking better.
He even got a job at this cute little french-louisianian breakfast nook..
(where we had one of our better dates)
I'm just so proud of him.
he really pulled it together for me,
and we totally tackled it.
Matty B.
Tuesday, August 01, 2006
And Thus The Quest Begins...
Our FAVORITE
Our Second Favorite
60 Logan St.
Curtis Park
Cheeseman Park?
So the roommates and I have officially started to look for an apartment in Denver.
Scary, i know,
But i am FUCKING excited.
God i'm liberated.
Matty B.
Our FAVORITE
Our Second Favorite
60 Logan St.
Curtis Park
Cheeseman Park?
So the roommates and I have officially started to look for an apartment in Denver.
Scary, i know,
But i am FUCKING excited.
God i'm liberated.
Matty B.
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