He said he was SO sorry. he didn't want to loose me as a friend. He called me crying, begging me to just lie to his boyfriend, and tell him that i was wrong, and that i was sorry. he wanted SO bad for me to take the blame for his obsessive compulsive behavior, so that he would be in the clear. Well, unfortunately for Jonathan, i was honest, and kind to both him and his boyfriend, and apparently that makes me a bad friend... when i was only doing what i was asked: to be honest. I'm sorry, but i won't compromise myself.
I was drinking a diet Coke with lime, at Lime, when i first tasted blood in the water. There were two Great White Sharks, and two baby sharks sitting at this dinner table. Naturally, there were harmless guppies flocked around, but they were harmless.; meaningless, and added almost nothing to the social environment.
Sean and I were the only ones who posed any real threat in that particular pool of gay boys... or so he thinks. I looked back and forth intrigued between the bickering baby sharks Josh Scott, and Jonathan Lockwood. I glanced up to see Sean wide eyed and hungry, not smiling, but showing his teeth, as he watched his boyfriend of the moment snap viciously at Josh Scott, about boys, weight, or some shallow bullshit to that degree. I almost laughed out loud when i saw how excited Sean was for this little bit of action. His skin was shiny with sweat, as he secretly begged for a brawl.
But even he knew that nothing would happen with me sitting there, because I would protect Josh Scott from any overtly inappropriate behavior. This was Josh's first outing with all of us, and his first time meeting Sean. There would be no cat fight because it would be in bad taste. Not only that, but neither Sean nor Jonathan would be a match for me. it would hardly be fair. I have extensive experience with boys with sharp teeth and a watered down wit. i was more than prepared for anything these boys might have up their sneaky little sleeves. But like polite little boys, they held back and we all sat there smiling, Sean and I bearing our teeth, pretending that we were having a wonderful time, while we prepared ourselves for the bigger sea: Thursday night at Tracks.
Jonathan was always wildly obsessed with knowing the exact whereabouts of his boyfriend Sean, and everything that could possibly relate to him: where he was, what he was doing, who he was talking to, and who he was texting. Jonathan and Sean frequently fight over how much Sean lies about... well, everything. So naturally, it's always a show to go out with the both of them. Because Jonathan is so insecure with himself and his relationship with his "womanizer boyfriend" (as described by multiple boys who have reflected to me about the end of their relationship with Sean), he is always loosing his mind the second he looses sight of his boyfriend. Frankly, it's exhausting to even think about trying to keep up with their plethora of problems.
It's always the same scene, as if it's a broken record, skipping over the same crack in the relationship, over and over again . after about an hour of Jonathan's panicked, teary, wide-eyed expression at every boy that Sean glanced at, i started to feel the boredom and pity set in. Jonathan could be a really great guy, and i honestly wish he didn't feel such intense insecurity. I think that part of his problem, is letting Sean dictate everything about his life: what he can wear, which friends he can talk to, where can go... Jonathan thinks that just because Sean controls Jonathan's life, buy buying him clothes he's "allowed" to wear, makeup he's "supposed" to wear, that Jonathan has the right to do the same to Sean. Boy is he wrong. The power is all in Sean's hands... and he publicly uses and abuses that power.
Luckily for me, I had many distractions from Sean and Jonathan's slow motion train wreck. it was Josh Scott's first time to Tracks (he used to "date" one of the bouncers, so he was admitted without an ID). You see, he has this terrible habit of talking nonsense gossip about people he thinks that he'll never meet, when in fact, many of them were at Tracks that evening... Thus resulting in yet another eventful, melodramatic night.
Hours later, i could finally breathe easy. as i pressed the gas down, i exhaled deeply, smiling to myself. i had survived another night, unscathed. as usual, i escaped before the lights came on; pouring over the sea of boys, drowning in their own drama. Little did i know, that my safety was going to be short lived.
***
Not two days later, we were back listening to the same broken record. except this time, Jonathan (who lives with his parents and had an 11 o'clock curfew) was at home, and trying to map out his boyfriend's every move VIA text messages. Between 8:30PM and 12:30AM, i received 27 text messages that consisted of either "Is he cheating on me, Matty? What should i do?" or "Have you talked to him yet? Who is he with? He's lying to me!" or something to that desperate degree. I'm not one to rat out a friend of mine to another friend, so i told him every time, "He's not with me. if you want to know who your boyfriend is with, and what your boyfriend is doing, then you text your boyfriend to find out."
about thirty minutes later, Josh and I decided to go have a glass of wine with Sean's best friend Kipp, who had been at the club with him. after we get together with Kipp, i received a text from Jonathan demanding if Sean was with us. I simply, innocently replied with the very little information i had: "No he's not. i guess the straight boy was threatening to move back to Florida (a friend of his that he had met at the bar the previous week), and Sean went over to his apartment to deal with it."
THAT IS WHEN THE FUSE LIT.
Apparently Sean lied to Jonathan where he was, who he was with, and what he was doing... as usual. I don't know exactly what the details are, and frankly i don't really care. All i do know, is that I stabbed Sean in the back, according to Sean. How i did that, I'm not quite sure. In fact, i asked his best friend Kipp how i did, and he swore to me that he was on my side, that i did nothing wrong, and he was just being drunk and acting a fool.
As the evening of wine continued with Kipp and his fag hag, Kipp started receiving multiple text messages from Sean, telling him to "keep me there." and that he was "coming over immediately". i think that he meant to seem menacing, but moments after he arrived, he was just appeared shiny and drunk... and it seemed that he didn't even realize i was there. Sean claims to love confrontation, but doesn't have the spine or attention span to actually initiate anything in person.
For instance, just two days ago, he was left alone with Josh Scott while we were smoking outside at Lime. everybody knows that Josh Scott was talking shit about Sean to Jonathan, fueling Jonathan's wild anxiety. However, while i was enjoying a cigarette and the company of our other guests outside on the deck, all Sean did was vapidly fill the silence with mindless chatter, as Josh Scott sweat out the awkward conversation, until we all returned. after Sean revealed to me later, that he had been waiting for Josh Scott to ignite a feud, during their alone time together, it became very clear to me what kind of person he was. Rather than a wolf in sheep's clothing waiting to attack, it was the opposite. He was a sheep inside a (very expensive) lion's wolf's clothing.
After about thirty minutes of Sean avoiding eye contact with me, and what felt like an eternity of his breeder boyfriend ranting about what an amazing president George Bush was, i finally decided that i was wasting my time, and that i was going to leave. I locked my gaze with Josh Scott, and we wordlessly agreed to make our exit. The last thing i remember from that evening was Sean trying to deal with breeder boy's inane republican monologue. I laughed at him as I left. Kipp was accused me of leaving because i was "uncomfortable", when in reality i was just bored at the anticlimactic evening. i thought that Sean was a worthy advisory, when in fact, he was a sheepish as his boyfriend.
It was then, when i realized how much i didn't care about my relationship with Sean. Yes, he has money, and cars, and is thin, with beautiful skin. But what does he REALLY have, that his money can't buy? At the end of the day, he's a sad, bored, scared, little boy who thinks that by controlling his friends and his boyfriend, he can create this "perfect" world, where the only people that get hurt, are the one's of his choosing. Well, that only works if you buy into his reality (pun intended). if you don't care, and see it for what it is, then it meaningless. I wish him good luck with his bubble.
... it's just I'm just not going to support someone who lies and cheats on their boyfriend (who happened to be a good friend of mine at the time), and thinks that it's okay. The fact that Jonathan chooses to be with someone like that, is flabbergasting. i thought that Jonathan had more self worth than that. it just breaks my heart to see Sean take advantage of someone who is clearly weaker than him. i can't support someone like that... I can't be friends with another Jimmy or Trev. it's poision.
