"Clumsy"
The weather today was cold and moist. Snow fell from the sky like large, wet kisses, landing on my cheek and nose. I pulled my scarf around my neck, and wrapped my coat tightly around my body. I fumbled with the keys to the salon, as I tried to balance today’s newspaper, a venti non-fat white mocha, my iPod, and my makeup kit, all in one hand. After resting the contents of my arms onto the front desk, flicked on all the lights, and began my daily routine.
The quiet of the empty salon is calming. I like to come in early so that I can make a daily agenda for myself, and take my time preparing for a busy day. After I empty the dishwasher, count the cash, and complete my confirmation calls, I often stand on the balcony that overlooks the outdoor mall, and drink a piping hot cup of coffee, while I smoke a cigarette.
During down time, I chatted up my friend TC, whom I’ve been mildly hitting on over the past few months. I find that the furthest I get with someone is usually flirtatious texting, and a few dates. I rely a lot on my clever wording and witty banter, which are more often than not; lost on the person I’m talking to. For instance, I’ve been talking and seeing Vad for months, but it never developed into something sustainable. Between my heavy dance schedule/ full time job, and his master’s degree, we just never have the opportunity to see each other. This is a complete shame, because he’s a wonderful man, that I love spending time with.
This of course isn’t an isolated situation. I meet someone really great and fun to be around, we totally hit it off, and then we just drift apart. I don’t necessarily consider myself to be pessimistic. I just would hope that someone could maintain an interest in me past the bedroom. What’s more pressing, is that I have yet to meet someone that holds my interest .
tayranrichardson You just haven’t found the right one!
MattyBeautiful: something to that degree
tayranrichardson (3:38:29 PM): So what else is going on? Are you talking to any boys at least?
MattyBeautiful (3:38:46 PM): I talk to plenty of boys. Nothing seems to out.
MattyBeautiful (3:39:02 PM): just horn dogs usually
tayranrichardson (3:39:21 PM): I totally get that...
MattyBeautiful (3:39:37 PM): it happens. I’m 18, tall, and blonde. That’s what people see.
tayranrichardson (3:40:24 PM): Maybe that’s what you portray
MattyBeautiful (3:40:44 PM): Have you read my profile? Better yet, have you read my blog? I think people will see what they want, regardless of how I try to portray myself.
As I got ready to leave for the day, I thought to myself about what TC and I had talked about. Maybe I’m not portraying myself in the right way. I spend a lot of time evaluating how I am perceived by others, so as to better my character. Maybe the trick is to stop putting so much pressure on how others see me, and focus a little more on how I see me.
Maybe then I’ll see someone worth seeing.
Matty B.
