Don’t You Remember? You Told Me You Loved Me, Baby.
Two hours at the studio. Niara drilled our Tech N9ne and Traxamillion pieces. At the company I dance for, I’m on two separate troups: Senior Hip-Hop, and Promotions. We’ve been hammering out our promotions piece for weeks, preparing for tomorrow’s promo at Boulder High School. I’m not nervous, even though I was put in the piece last minute, disregarding the fact that I didn’t know much of the choreography. I learned it of course, however I believe a failure to plan is a plan for failure. I’ll just have to throw it down, and work it out.
My insurance company gave me a rental car while Rhoda, was in the shop. It’s a 2008 Nissan Sentra. Beautiful car, but it doesn’t have an iPod hook up like my trusty Jeep does. I was forced into the depths of my bedroom to dig out old mix CD’s, so I wasn’t forced to listen to the… *cough* …radio.
After dusting off an old CD case, I managed to find some semi-decent mixes from the past. My first (and favorite) roommate Bri and I, used to always make mixes for each other, and the ones that we cared about. When I was dating Brady, I would make them for him every month, on our “anniversary”.
At the first stop light home from leaving the studio, I opened my CD case to find something new to listen to. In the very back, there was a slip of folded paper reading “A Mixed Tape For You”. As I flipped that last page, I felt that there was a CD inside. Curious, I pulled it out, and slipped it in the stereo.
It was the first mix anyone had ever made for me. I remember Brady giving it to me at school, on our “second anniversary”. (I use quotes, because you can’t really call it an anniversary. Young love likes to mark the periods of their relationship. We’ve all been through it.) It was a mix of alternative rock songs, that he felt applied to us. Well, that’s what I gathered, by listening to the lyrics of each song.
As I sped up Arapahoe, one of the lyrics to the song said,” How can you sleep, knowing that I love you so? How can you sleep without me next to you?” I felt a hint of tears well in my eyes, for a reason otherwise expected. Instead of crying over “lost” love, I felt the most overwhelming sensation of joy, just remembering how it felt to have someone love you so deeply. It was almost as if I was lying in my bed, having my hair stroked as I fell asleep, after a terrible night at my junior prom.
As the songs continued, Sonic Youth sang,” Don’t you remember you told me you loved me, baby-” “…Loneliness is such a sad affair, I can’t wait to see you again.” All I could do is smile to myself because it felt so refreshing to be reminded, if only for a brief few moments, what it felt like to have someone care for you so whole heartedly. Feeling a connection with another human being like that, having such a genuine love for someone other than yourself, is beautiful. No matter how short lived it may be.
Don’t read into it, like I’m all upset about an ex boyfriend. It's not like that one bit. I’m not going to be some depressed gay guy, crying about why he’s single. I was just taken aback for a moment, and had to appreciate the emotional flashback. If you’ve never felt that way about someone, than you won’t be able to relate to this at all. However, for the few who do, you know it’s moments like those, that make the world that much more beautiful, and life that much more worth it.
It was a great way to end my evening.
Matty B.
