Sick and Tired of Being Sick and Tired


My phone rang at 10:15am this morning. My hand surfaced out of the deep red sea of comforters, and lazily sought out whatever was making such a wretched noise, at such an early hour. Heather told me to get my lazy ass out of bed, and to join her and Beth downstairs at Panera Bread, for a bagel.

A pair of knit sweats, a Lacoste undershirt, and an oversized pair of white sunglasses later, I was munching on an asiago cheese bagel with light spread. I knew I looked a mess. It was almost embarrassing to be in public looking the way I did.

After I went back to my apartment, I hopped into the very inviting shower. I sat there for a moment, just thinking about everything that has happened over the past week. In response to my resignation at Melt, the owner offered me a pay raise, to stay for a month, and hire two people to replace me. We talked it over, and he admitted that he had been over working me, and underpaying me. I agreed to help him out, and we decided I would stay until October.

When I was on my two-hour break in between jobs, Aimee and I went to Diedrich’s Dazbog to get some coffee, and get away from the mall. Afterwards, we went to Cheeseman Park, where we just laid in the grass, and talked. She said she didn’t know how I did it. Working two three jobs, going to school, and managing time with friends… told me of her mother’s concern. I re assured her that I was going to be okay, rolled onto my back, and took a deep breath; breathing in the fresh smell of a grassy vacation.

Eric and I went to dinner at the Cheesecake Factory two nights ago, and it was absolutely delightful. We got to talk about everything that’s been happening over the past few weeks, and really get to reconnect. We made plans to hang out this weekend, and I am more than thrilled to do so.

I’ve felt so incredibly overwhelmed by the constant chaos that’s been fueling my life recently. Every morning I’m up at 8am, and every night I get home at 11:15am. Work all day, and utter exhaustion by the time I hit my pillow at midnight. I haven’t even been able to think about guys, dating, fucking, anything. Hell, I’ve barely been able to keep up with myspace.

Being disconnected from the world has completely segregated me from all my friends. It’s a lonely life, working all the time. More often than not, I’ve found that I’m always feeling alone, and depressed. Sitting on the bus, on my way home is the worst. Being plagued by exhaustion plus feeling completely isolated emotionally, is almost unbearable.

I step out of my shower, and the Muffs “Kids in America” start to play. I pat dry my face, pull on a graphic t-shirt, girl jeans, and my trade mark sunglasses. There’s no way I’m going to let myself fall into a funk. I’m young and I’ll bounce back from this! I have to. I will.

As I step outside, I realize how beautiful today is. I’ve spent weeks cooped up inside, and I could never take the time to appreciate the beauty around me. Why ruin my ONLY day off, by worrying and fretting over work?

I may have her sense of humor, her hair, and her eyes, but I am not my mother. And I am going to make the best of my days.

Everybody live for the music!
Matty B.