You Will Lighten Another’s Heart [Lucky Numbers: 2, 38, 42, 17, 30, 28]

My mind has been at a crossroads lately.
I lie there,
In my bed,
Thinking to myself;
Trying to sort out what exactly I want.
For months, I’ve been fretting over Mr.MUSE,
And the less that I talk to him,
The less I see him,
The less I feel him.
It’s interesting,
Because right now
I have the 100% assumption that I am not going to see him today.
And I’m not going to see him tomorrow, either.
It’s like, since this has been realized and accepted,
My mind is at ease.
Since I have absolutely no expectations,
There’s no way to feel let down.

My eyes are frozen open,
My movement robotic.
The sound of Eisley singing about their telescope eyes
Only remind me how vapid my life actually is.
I get out of bed at 8:15am.
I go to work.
I go home at 5:00 pm.
I remove my clothes,
And I lie in my bed,
Eyes frozen open.
Rinse, Repeat.

I can’t even being to try and self-diagnose.
I lie on my back,
Staring up at the ceiling fan,
The red, circular, shag rug
Feels soft against my bare skin.
The world feels like a standstill around me.
Seconds feel like hours.
Days feel endless.
I get off the floor,
And I peer into the mirror,
At my naked, body.
I meet my own stare,
And try to muster up an original thought.
But the same old bullshit is just circulating through my head.
I just..

I wish I had a friend.