Will I Loose My Dignity?
Love is a funny thing.
I'm not just talking about love for a partner, but love for your family.
I stood before the courts today, with all my ducks in a row.
Defiant, well rested, and ready.
I BREATHED victory.
...After the judge rejected my mother's [pathetic] attempt to relinquish her [own] parental rights,
And declared that living on my own was CLEARLY more beneficial than living with her,
It dawned on me.
I had won.
MONTHS of waiting,
MONTHS of pain,
MONTHS of anticipation,
MONTHS of anxiety,
MONTHS of depression..
...All were supposed to end that very day.
But after Judge Cole delcared to my mother [and the courtroom] that her excessive drug use in the past had led me to become the person i am today,
And watching my own mother cry after she had lost a battle she started..
It made me think.
It made me step outside of myself, and ponder.
But most of all it made me ANGRY.
How DARE she try to take away my moment of glory,
my moment of PURE SUCCESS
with her angish and her tears?!
How DARE she cry in front of all those people today,
and not even recognize the years of pain and suffering she's caused me.
How DARE she tell the courts she was working 3 jobs just so that she can support her family,
when SHE was the one doing meth, and shooting up heroine?!
Who the FUCK does she think she is to make me feel bad for HER,
When she knew i was STARVING myself because:
A.) She tells me I 'm fat, and
B.) I don't have any money
..And she refused to pay the child support that she was court ordered to.
Where's my tony, huh?
All I have to show for this relationship is the skin that is hanging off my bones,
and a decision that I am to never see my mother again.
It's funny how history repeats it's self.
... neither one of my uncles talk to my grandma, because she was such a terrible parent.
Uncle Chef hasn't talked to her in OVER a decade.
Uncle Military [Who's a dumb asshole] spoke to her for the first time in over 6 years.
Hm.
What I DO KNOW, is that when i'm redy to have children,
I'm going to love them,
and give them everything i have to offer,
and help them appreciate that.
Because i hear,
Sometimes..
Parents love their children.
Guess LOVE isn't a "Monahan" trait..
because from history, it's definatly not in out genes.
