After talking to Miss. Moving, it's been decided that love isn't a nessesity of life.
It's just a perk.
I think that i can honestly say that some of the best moments in my life have definatly been when I WASN'T in love.
Given, I've only been in love once, so the whole Love-Not in love factor are quite overwhelming in comparison. However, in the past year, before i had met Mr.[Not So] Perfect, I had come to terms with the fact that I was the only person that I could count on.
Which was comforting.
However, in the begining of my "loving" relationship, things were emotionally amazing, while when I was at peace with myself, my life was physically and professionally amazing.
They are two VERY different kinds of amazing, which is the kicker.
So, the question is:
This has been a question that i have been battling to form in my head for about 6 weeks now, and finally, now that it's down in internet history, i think i can start to answer that question.
I have been desperatly seeking answers and trying to solve the puzzle that is, Mr.[Not So]Perfect.
And I came to the realization:
He's a child.
I was in love with a child.
Here I was, independant financially, independant emotionally, free from all baggage (with the exception of my family, but i know PLEANTY of GROWN ADULTS who can carry around that baggage their entire lives, and live "happily), and loving my life. I was the icon of young adulthood.
Then I met an 18 going on 5 year-old boy.
Dependant on his family emotionally, financially, and had more than enough "baggage" for his tiny little 5 year-old arms to carry. He was a sad, depressed, child.
..And I didn't know that i was acting as an emotional pedophile.
So after developing this news, i think that i need to stop asking all these "adult questions":
"Why don't you want me anymore?"
"Was it because I gained weight?"
"Do i talk too much?"
"Am I not attractive enough?"
When in reality, children don't care about your weight, how you look, or whether or not you talk a lot.
The real problem was this:
He was being overwhelmed.
The only love he knew was the love from his parents.
... And when another boy loves you, and wants to spend his life by your side,
you naturally freak out.
The lack of sex doesn't bother him.
I don't think he enjoyed it anyways.
It was like... he was BORED or something.
..which usually is an ego killer.
However, in his case, it wasn't.
Nothing turned him on. Nothing. And even if somethign did, he wouldn't even make the slightest notion that he liked it. Only a few times did he enjoy something a lot, and that's when he pulled my mouth off his dick.
Hm.
So I emtionally raped a 5 year-old.
Congrats to me.
I've become an emotional pedophile.
But that's nothing in comparision to our Choir Teacher,
who is a REAL pedophile,
and is now [No Doubtedly] bottoming for Mr.[Not So]Perfect.
Who [both] have claimed to have feelings for eachother for quite sometime.
But that's another puzzle,
for another rainy day.
I guess the point of the story is..
I gave my heart to an emotional toddler.
What do toddlers do?
THEY BREAK SHIT.
Matty B.
