You Are My Sweetest Downfall, I Loved You First
My meter is running on empty.
My eyes, relaxed.
My heart just sinks,
Knowing that you have no knowledge of what you put me through,
Knowing that you don’t even care.
I remember a future.
Growing old,
And you finally releasing your fears.
I remember a future where I lie in your arms,
And you whisper you love me.
I remember a past.
Sitting in your car,
Driving away from the wreck of the day.
I remember a past,
Where I fell asleep in your arms,
And even though you couldn’t admit it,
I felt loved.
I remember a present.
Where I’m not falling in love,
I’m just falling to pieces.
I remember a present,
Where I thought we meant more to each other,
Than material things.
You remind me that it’s harder to love,
Than it is to hate.
I sit here,
In a crowded coffee shop, completely alone.
Because of the things that come out of your mouth,
Make me doubt whether or not love
Or honesty
Exist.
I refuse to believe that it’s only me.
Just hear me out,
We’re not done, quite yet.
Candy kids,
And gossip among the beautifuls,
It’s all circumstantial.
I refused to believe that it was only you,
Talking like that.
However it seems to always to come back to you.
Just listen up,
You’ve misplaced your heart.
Just speak up,
I know you’re there.
This sun hasn’t set.
I can’t keep this love afloat, alone.
I’ve been trying,
But I can’t do it anymore.
I can’t watch you ruin your life,
And not say anything, anymore.
You want to target your anger towards me,
When I’m not deserving of such hate.
You’re being unfair,
And I’m worth more than this.
I love you, baby.
You mean the world to me, baby.
I told you,
I’ll follow you into the dark.
But you have to be able to find the light.
Because I can’t do it for you,
that’s become clear.
You tell me you were with me,
When I was fighting me demons.
When really, you were one of the causes.
You say you held my hand through my addiction,
While all I did was try to make myself more appealing to you.
It took time,
But I realized that i would never be good enough for you,
And when I looked in the mirror,
I wasn’t good enough for myself.
While I held a sword to my fears,
You were just introducing another into my life.
Nothing is ever enough for you.
I’m helpless trying to fill the gap you so desperately need filled.
I know that I’m the only one that can attempt to fill it,
But you could care less.
Words words words,
You say you love me,
But all I hear is adverse propaganda,
And whispered lies.
Actions speak louder than words,
And all I hear is tripe.
You ask the world of me,
And I give you that and more.
I ask nothing of you,
And you give me less than that.
When will you realize how much I love,
How much I care?
It’s clear you don’t need another love to crutch upon,
You need a reality check.
And that breaks my heart.
Matty B.
