The Ten Day Dry Spell
Things have gone from complete chaos, to ready, steady routine.
I received my job at the Realty Company,
And I’ve been working there all week.
It has been absolutely wonderful.
I work as the executive assistant to the company,
And I love it.
I’m making good money,
I am distracted from my grey life,
Things with my family have been going well,
So I should be happy right?
The problem,
Is that although I have a killer job,
Fantastic co-workers,
And a decent amount of money coming in..
..I just don’t have anyone to share that with.
Not a boyfriend, or a male in general,
..not even friends.
I sit at home in my bright red briefs,
Watching Will and Grace re-runs,
While eating crackers and ice chips.
I have an itch,
And it’s not the now-dry face mask,
That I’ve been applying every night.
First,
There’s the itch for sex.
I’m not having it with anyone.
Although I am getting a lot
[and I mean a LOT]
Of offers,
I just feel that I’m over that part of my life.
I need something more.
Second, there’s companionship.
I don’t even have a steady person in my life for me to talk to..
Or even see.
It’s really quite grounding,
And after a long amount of time,
You start to see who your real friends are..
And who aren’t.
More importantly,
You see who cares.
It’s almost every night that I lie in my bed,
Eyes wide open;
Tears running down my expressionless face.
I haven’t sleep a full night in over a month.
The last time I remember sleeping through the night,
Was probably when Mr.MUSE came over..
..and that was many weeks ago,
If not a month.
Speaking of,
He gets back into town today.
He left for Florida to go to Disney Land with his family,
To figure things out.
I haven’t spoken to him in a week,
And part of me feels a sense of relief.
For months,
Everytime I talk to him,
It feels like the last.
I never know if he’s going to choose me,
Or a life alone.
It’s actually quite humiliating.
There’s a two choices:
Being with me,
Or being alone.
And he’s having a really hard time deciding.
Ha. What kind of person am I,
If he chooses to be alone?
How ridiculous would that be?
What, I’d tell my friends,
“How’s David? Oh he’s good.
He’d rather be alone writhing in his own misery,
Than spend time with me.”
Ha. That’s a party joke.
I am incredibly pessimistic,
And as result to all this distance,
It feels like the decision has already been made.
I suppose if he wants to end it,
I wouldn’t feel too much different than how I feel right now.
Alone.
Empty.
Sad.
I’ll just sit back relax,
I’ll just sit back and relapse.
Matty B.
