Coture Candy Store
I wipe away the tears from my eyes.
I open them slowly,
only to have the mornign sun come rushing in.
I squint, to sheild myself,
and two large tears roll down the side of my face.
Pressing my hand against my forehead,
I search my mind for last night's dream.
I've found that over the past few weeks,
i've been waking up with small wet spots sitting on my pillow.
Apparently, I've been crying in my sleep.
Things have been very trying for me, recently.
I feel that there is this.. unavoidable.
This feeling of.. exasperation is not only unsettling,
but absoutely exhausting.
Let's be honest.
I'm emotionally, physically, and financially empty.
I have to pay my deposit tomorrow.
[but i get my keys!]
I'm just waiting to hold those cold keys in my warm hands;
Open my door for the first time,
Inhale the first breath of new paint smell,
Be the first one to use my newly installed sink,
Sit in my window, and suck down my first cigarette..
Everything has been so out of control with me lately,
And I just need some stability.
Step One: Group.
Step Two: Job.
Step Three: A Home.
Step Four: My Holiday Romance.
Step One:
Down Pat.
I've been going everyday.
Two days down,
57 to go.
Step Two:
My hours were cut.
Let's be honest.
I'm not working very much,
and I'm not making enough money to live.
[GOAL:]
I'm going to get another job.
I have to.
I want to.
...But not until i settle into my new place.
Step Three:
I pay my deposit tomorrow,
And I pay my rent on monday.
Fingers crossed that i can pull my shit together.
Step Four:
This one has been the hardest, I think.
I just wish that he's come online,
so that we could talk.
Even if for only a few mintues.
I've had about four guys come knock at my door,
all wanting to aplly for the Holiday Romance position,
[that's not to sound cocky AT ALL]
It's just that,
in normal circumstances,
i'd jump on it. [punny!]
I just know that He has pure intentions.
Or maybe i just want to think he does.
Either way,
all i know,
is that i need to stop thinking and talking about it,
because everyone is SO over it.
"You sure do write a lot about something that hasn't happened"
Heh.
Maybe i'll try out one of my suitors.
Doubtful.
Matty B.
