What Comes First? The Relationship Or The Sex?
I've found myself lying in bed,
Sitting on the bus,
Or lounging around my house,
wondering to myself,
today's VERY prevelant question:
What comes first? The relationship or the sex?
I was flipping through my old scrapbook
while i was cleaning and packing,
and a bunch of old photo's fell out.
I picked them up,
and it's snapshots of my friends laughing,
funny faces,
bad make-up accidents,
and old boyfriends and I.
Here I am,
sitting there at the ripe-old age of 17
[almost 18]
looking at pictures of me 3, 4, 5 years ago
cuddling with boyfriends,
kissing,
hugging,
basically, my life was the epitamy of a gay PG-13 movie.
(puberty fat, acne, and all).
Although my virginity was lost at such a young age,
I found that through my middle school/highschool years
were very G rated,
and innocent.
However,
once i moved out of my mother's house
[summer before junior year]
i was a little more permiscuous.
I wasn't a slut, mind you,
but i was having [safe] fun,
and experimenting with my newfound freedom.
With Mr.OZ,
It was the first time in a year that I went slowly,
[I mean, we waited for about a month before having sex,
and he was a virgin, which was refreshing.]
and it was by far the most successful relationship.
In my most recent..er... "romance",
the second time i saw him
i was drunk,
and we fooled around.
WAIT!
I'm not complaining or doubting anything.
I'm just analizing past relationship patterns.
It was amazing.
It IS amazing.
Whenever I'm with him,
it tops the previous visit.
He is so genuine,
caring and thoughtful.
I don't think i've smiled so much on account of somebody else,
in my ENTIRE life.
And it's.. again, refeshing.
However,
I can't help thinking to myself:
Am i setting myself up for failure?
I haven't had a sucessful relationship with someone when it started with sex.
There's more to me than that,
and sometimes [because of my own self-consiousness],
I think that i'm SO interested with this fantastic guy,
that i'm trying to keep him around with sex.
[i mean, i dont want him to get bored, right?]
Don't get me wrong,
i can't keep my hands off him,
as much as he has his on me,
but what would put the cherry on top,
is if we had that "trust".
because then i would know it's bigger than that.
I know i over analize.
But the results that came back,
is that this is good.
I can feel it.
My Holiday Romance has arrived,
and he's a choir major.
Matty B.
