So i'm watching WAITING... and it's, er, interesting.
I've been thinking a lot lately.
I have court this friday, and everytime i go to court, i have to fight for the fact that i want to stay living on my own... Then every day, i walk to the bus stop, scrape up some money for the bus ride home, listen to the sound of my stomach growl, until the bus stops, and i get to walk the mile home. I thought that this was my freedom, that i wanted to so desperatly, that i NEEDED so desperately.. And i think to myself:
When i DO go back home, because we all know i will be FORCED to at SOME point in my life, how are things going to be different? How will i be changed? How can i make this situation one i can work?
So we will make a PRO and CON list.
Pro
* I won't have to pay for anything.
* I can save money to do things: IE Traveling, buy a car, buy the Apple Laptop i've been wanting.
*I can have a COMPLETE night's sleep.
*I can stop worrying
*I can breathe again..
*i can start with a clean slate: It's so hard being reminded of the same person, PEOPLE everyday, that aren't who they used to be.
* I won't be SO stressed
*I'll be able to see my little brother, and see his grow as a person.. which i've missed. A LOT.
*I'll have a bed
*my debt will be taken care of. hopefully
Con
*My mother is a lunatic. She is absolutely FUCKING FUCKING Crazy.
*I won't see Bri. :'(
*I won't have my freedoms
*I won't be treated as an adult anymore.
*I'll be living in LONGMONT
*I'll be alone.. Again.
*I'll have a tiny room
*I won't have my friends.
*i'll have no support
*my mother is a Nazi.
So i really can't choose. I mean, if i can "lube" up my mother with some "comprimises", then maybe the transition will be easier. I'm just tired of this uphill battle. The battle with friends, family, the court.. it's jsut getting to the point to becoming absoutely ridiculous. It's draining, and it makes me anxious. ALL THE TIME.
What to do?
I could use the change. not because i want to mend my family (because we ALL know that that isn't going to happen) but, because there isn't really anything keeping me in Louisville. It's different, now.
Matty B.
