“Straight Boys… Where You At? (I’m A Boyfreind Kleptomaniac.)”
Everyone knows that the big and beautiful men with gorgeous golden muscles and bright white smiles secretly love the hipster, alternative boys. I mean look at the amount of profile hits I’ve had today. First of all it’s a Tuesday, and I already have 108 profile views (that’s a lot for this website. i'm the 25th most viewed profile on the entire site, internationally)… and it’s only 8pm! Not to mention my myspace profile, where collectively I have had over 50,000 profile views, since I started a few years ago.
While we may love their tight abs and broad shoulders, we all know that they love our long thin frame, and decisively placed piercings. You know our type. Black straight leg pants, slip on Vans, big hair (full of extensions), fake eyelashes, thick black liner, and brightly colored vintage t-shirts that harmonize with our eclectic and seemingly sporadic tattoos.
It’s not a surprise that guys like us have a mutual admiration for each other. Opposites attract, right? It’s only because of today’s “ideal of beauty” as to why you don’t typically see such different people together.
I recently received an email on connexion from the epitome of the “Abercrombie Gay Male.” He’s 19, 6’, 190 lbs, has washboard abs, and a big beautiful chest, to match his big beautiful smile. It’s funny because I expected his profile to read the exact same as every other guy that looks like him, and messages me. It’s boring to see that your only interests are: “hott bois, workin out, fast cars, sex, not really into the club scene, but still go for hott bois.”
When I went over to his page, I was mildly intrigued by what he had to say. Apparently he’s in school majoring in communication, and has a fairly developed musical taste. I noticed and was thrilled to see that he was a fan of “good” indie-pop. (You would be surprised how much terrible indie music is out there.) He even listed that he was a movie freak, which would be a future conversation starter.
I read the first email he sent to me that said,” Ur too fucking cute.”
Normally, an email like that would come from a 50 year old man, a crack head crystal queen, or the big meaty beef cakes. Usually, I disregarded them, and replied with a simple yet curt, “thank you.” I find the in most cases; people just want to fuck me. As flattering as that may be, at the end of the day, you just feel like a used piece of meat. However today, I was feeling a bit audacious, and emailed him back.
We emailed back and forth a couple of times about what we do and what not. I dance for two companies, and work full time at a salon. He works out and goes to school. I often don’t tell people that I frequent the gym for a couple reasons. (I consider 4 days a week frequent) It’s mostly because I don’t have a six pack, or perfectly etched pecs. However, I’m not necessarily going to the gym to have that perfect body. While EVERY GAY MAN wants that beautiful body of an Adonis, I mainly go to help boost my health. Not only do I sleep better at night, but it’s also helping me to quit smoking, and repair the damage I did as result of on my previously unhealthy lifestyle. Not to mention that it also boosts my self esteem when I see the pounds melt off the scale.
I was interrupted from chatting with him, because I had to actually do my job (god forbid!), which temporarily ended our conversation. This gave me time to collect my wit, and prepare to be charming, yet delightfully hilarious.
I’m sitting here at my desk thinking about guys that I’ve dated in the past that looked like him. Jason was dumber than a box of bleached hair (and that’s putting it lightly). Jeremy wasn’t much of a thinker either. Who doesn’t know which direction is west? I mean, come on. Work with me!
I’m not going to put to much pressure on anything, though. My profile says I’m not looking for anyone for a reason… because I’m not. If someone happens to find me, fabulous. If it happens to come from that, bonus.
All I know is that I’m looking for a part time lover and a full time friend. I don’t have much time or energy for much else, these days.
Matty B.
