Sweet Sweet Sweet Sweet Fire in the Street

11:02 am. I bolted upright, and as I tried to escape my impending death, I got tangled in the sheets, and fell hopelessly to the ground. The screeching alarm was deafening. I quickly grabbed a pair of underwear off my floor, followed by a t-shirt and some disgusting sweats. I scooped up my keys, laptop, and cigarettes, quickly brushed my teeth, and started hiking the six floors down, to the lobby.

It seems that someone on the third floor thinks that grilling in their living room at 11 am in the morning, is a good idea. As I walk into Panera bread, which is located in the first floor of my building, I notice that no one is even phased by the flashing lights, and deafening fire alarms going off. Everyone is eating their salads, as if nothing is happening, completely ignoring the fact that there could be someone burning alive just feet above them.

As I order my usual coffee, and take my place in the leather chair that I always sit in, I try to go about my business as usual. Open my computer, start it up… but I can’t help but be slightly thrown off by the fact that everyone is to distracted by their own lives, to realize that something real is happening. People on their cell phones, drinking their coffee, yelling about contracts… it’s exactly the type of person that I don’t want to be.

How do you know when you’ve become so involved with yourself, that you don’t even notice the world or people around you? Over the past few months I have to admit, I’ve been incredibly busy with school, working until my fingers bleed, and attempting to have a social life, so yes I became one of those people. Until recently.

I met Mr.Revenge at Denver Pride, this year. He grew up with my hairstylist, and is in school right now to become one as well. Kara introduced him to me, while I was dancing my heart out to DJ Heckler, and was looking less than appealing. He seemed real cool, but I was a bit intoxicated and distracted by the music, so I danced on my merry way.

Back at the apartment, Kara gave me a call. Apparently she was at the bar across the street, and wanted to come up. I was delighted to hear from her, so I went down and got her and Mr.Revenge. Since sobering up, he started to look a bit more appealing. He was even kind of funny, which I was surprised by. Who would’ve thought that there are men out there that are attractive AND funny?

We hit it off pretty quick. Kara wasn’t feeling well, so I cooked her some food. She decided to go home, and I was definitely disappointed, because I wanted to spend more time with Mr.Revenge, but she was his ride back to Loveland. After a quick phone call to Ashley, I offered him a ride home later the next day, if he wanted to stay. He happily accepted.

We talked all night. I laid in his arms, and we shared everything about each other. He told me his life. No one has ever been so upfront with me about things before. He had a very intimidating first impression, however feeling his body on mine, getting him to laugh, sharing cigarettes with him; it was the perfect first meeting.

And then there was the morning after. I dread morning after’s. I look like a train hit me. Doesn’t matter if I’ve been drinking, smoking, partying, or just had a quiet night. When I wake up in the morning, I AM NOT CUTE. I looked into his eyes. He brushed my tangled hair out of my face, and kissed me. He was as beautiful as ever. Messy hair, grin on his face. We got dressed, because I had to get him home at a decent hour.

The entire drive home, he had his hand either in mine, or on my leg. We stopped for coffee and gas, and flew down i25 to get him home. I thought about him for the rest of the day. And I saw him the next.

I don’t know what it is about him, but it’s a bit unsettling. All I know is that unlike the people around me, not only am I going to see this fire, but I’m going to let it burn.

“The queens of the court grin under a delicate fan-”
Matty B.

C-A-L-L-I-N-G Now, I'm Calling You [ooh-ooh], Calling You Now!

Things with Eric and I haven't been greater.
I really think that our friendship is blossoming into something fantastic.
I spent the previous weekend at his house,
and it was just so nice to relax,
watch movies,
hang out,
myspace... It was great.

I feel that whenever i'm around him,
I feel attractive.
And by that i mean i have a reason to look good.
We just always do.
Plus he's so supportive about going to meetings,
And comes with me.
We're just so good together.

Why anybody would do something to tarnish a friendship with him, is beyond me.
Did I just say that?
Matty B.

The Beating of Your Heart, Bay-be

I lied there.
My eyes open,
looking up into the darkness of my room.
I thought about what we talked about,
Pet peeves, weird habits, past relationships.
I close my eyes,
lean into my pillow,
and think about the beat of your heart,
and i'm back in your bed,
lying naked in your arms,
my head on your chest,
legs tangled in your,
our breaths long and in snyc.
I can smell Tommy on you;
feel the heat from your body wrap it's self around me,
keeping me safe and warm;
affirming my dreams;
confronting my fears.

I hear the slam of the door,
and suddenly it's 11:42am,
and i've been snuggling with an oversized zebra print pillow.
ah but of course.

Too good to be true?
I've Seen Black, and I've Seen Blue, But Now I See You.