I Am Revolution
I’ve been talking big for years. Growing up, I’d tell my mother,” I’m going places, momma. Just you wait and see. I’m going to be big.”
My first step was to get out of what I like to call, the “wet social rectum of Colorado” that is Longmont. My second step was to move in with stable friends, and maintain a constant financial constant. My third step was to climb the dance scene, and become one of Phunk-E-Elements most notorious go-go dancers. My fourth step was to move to the big city: Denver. My fifth step was to get clean, and leave a life of drugs behind. My sixth step was to move to a nicer apartment, and get a respectable job, that I could be proud of. My seventh step was to get into college. My eighth step was to drop out of college, and find one that better suited my needs. My ninth step…
My next step is undetermined. I’ve been thinking of my next move for months, now. I am just so incredibly indecisive. I lie in my bed at night, and my mind just screams, New York! Miami! San Francisco! Seattle! When in reality, I am too terrified to even think about the consequences of moving to such a large city, without any friends, any connections, anyone at all.
On the other hand, my life has been a horrible shade of taupe. How amazing would an adventure be, right about now? I’ve been looking through old blog entries, and really taking time to myself to figure out what’s going on with my life. After months of being blown off by my “friends”, and never really having anyone that I could constantly trust and confide in, I’ve found that I’m in the perfect position to start a new adventure; to start a personal revolution. I don’t have any real ties to living in Denver, or any personal connections keeping me here. I don’t know what it is exactly, but it kind of feels like a natural step for me.
I had a really hard time when I first moved here. However, through perseverance and constant belief in myself, I created a livable life that I was happy with. Was, being the key word. I think that now, I’m ready for the next step. There has to be more out there, than this daily frustration. As Elle Woods says,” If the fabric doesn’t work with you, then don’t work with the fabric!” So, when you’ve done your best and it just doesn’t work, then move on, and try life somewhere else.
Eric said that I would never leave. He said that I would never leave Denver, for a bigger city, and that I would end up living in Colorado.
Well for some of us, mediocrity doesn’t suffice. He almost made me feel bad for wanting bigger and better things. Hey, if he wants to live the same life of, waking up, Triple Iced Venti Vanilla Latte, driving to Hamburger Mary’s, working, stopping by a friend’s house, doing some drugs, driving home, creeping through the door so that he won’t wake up his mother, and slinking into bed, so be it. Who am I to inflict my personal goals on others? All I know is that I am destined for more. I will not live a lackluster life of tedious, wearisome, monotony. I’m better than that.
I’m not saying that I won’t come back. I don’t even know if I’m leaving. What I do know, is that I am going to make some big changes. In fact, I’ve already started.
Matty B.
