Chapter Two: Love. Learn. Laugh.
It has been a very long, cold, and dreary winter. The sky was clouded with gray misery, that reflected on the faces of the citizens, living below. I spent the long cold months watching independent films, listening to Kimya Dawson, and searching for something new.
My entire life, I have always had some sort of goal. When I was a child, it was to get away from my delusional mother. At fifteen, I packed a duffle bag, and left with no regret. When I was in high school, it was to get into a college, and move to Denver. At seventeen, I started attending the Art Institute of Colorado, and moved downtown. A few months after I turned 18, my college started fucking with me, making me jump through hoops to stay a student there. My roommate and I had a very rocky relationship. I woke up one morning, quit my job, moved out, and dropped out of college.
Five months later, I’m living with my best and oldest friend Vyckee, (who I call mom, even though she isn’t) am unemployed, and spending three hours a day, four days a week, dancing for an Independent Dance Company in Boulder. I’ve completely left my manic life behind, and went back to my roots: the studio.
I spent my childhood escaping my life by dancing for various companies around the Denver Metro area. From the age of 4, I was taking ballet classes from Frau Schmitt three days a week. I don’t know what it is, but it brings takes me home. The long hours, the dieting, the muscles so sore, you wake up unable to walk; it frees my mind.
I’ve spent the past few months trying to focus on what I want out of my life. Do I want to pursue a college degree? If so, where do I want to go? I’ve already found that an alternative institution wasn’t the right fit for me. Would I even be able to get into a public university such as CU? Would I live in the dorms? Would I have the ability to work, and go to school? What would I do about my friends? Would I get to see them? Who would I live with? How would I pay for it? What the fuck am I doing with my life?!
Suddenly my world is spinning so fast, I don’t know which way is up. I’m completely overwhelmed, and I have no idea what I’m going to do with my life. I slip on a pair of converse, grab my duffle bag, get in my Jeep, and fly down Arapahoe, parking illegally in front of the studio. I get out, fly through the front door, drop my bag, plug my iPod into the sound system, and let go.
Three hours later, I get back into my Jeep, turn on some Freezepop, and drive home, re-centered.
I’m not quite sure exactly what my life’s plans are. However, I feel that that adds to my charm. Not quite sure what I’m doing, but there is a few things in life that bring me back down.
I figure as long as I don’t take anything (or anyone) too seriously, continue to surround myself with people that I enjoy being with, as I walk my path, it will begin to form, and show it’s self.
Well, that’s what I’ll keep telling myself.
Matty B.