You‘re My Prince Charming, Coming To Rescue Me? Apparently I Can Save Myself, Thank You.
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you.”
“Promise me you’ll call me tomorrow?”
“Promise.”
Four thousand, three hundred, and twenty minutes.
I mustered up the most convincing nonchalant voice I could, attempting to persuade his voicemail that I was in complete control of, not only my emotions, but that I was now a mature, attractive, successful adult. The sound of my voice was supposed to project my readiness to win him over, yet still have a confidant ease and playfulness. All within to appropriately timed voicemails, and one absolutely adorable Facebook wall message.
I haven’t heard from him in three days, and although I don’t think the same way I used to (emotional, upset, and generally emotionally dependant), I felt and irking feeling that something wasn’t right. It still doesn’t feel right. Normally, when I’m deliberately blown off, I get mad and upset. However, I feel this odd sense of calm about me.
I talked to my friend Maria, to help me recap that evening. She had spoken to him for about an hour, and she revealed to me, some things that I wasn’t aware of. Comparisons, fears of settling, fear of love, perhaps? I hear that there has to be more. As if he would be settling, by being with me. There’s bigger and better fish out there? There just has to be more out there, than Matty?
[pause.]
My typical reaction a year ago would have been outrage and indignation. Not so fast, Mr. Emotional. I take a step back and look at the entire situation as a whole.
In this week’s “Grey’s Anatomy” Taye Diggs wakes up one morning, and decides he wants to divorce his high school love. They’re both doctors, both successful, and both happy. They have a daughter, a practice in LA, and wonderful mutual friends. He just wakes up one morning, and decides that he wants more; he wants something else. So, they divorce.
Is it best that we not get involved at all? From the lack of returned phone calls, and blatant broken promise, it seems that he isn’t the person that I so desperately want him to be. It’s not like I’m asking things to be “how they were”. In fact, that’s the last thing that I want. What I want, is the learn who he is, now. What I want, is to fall in love with this new, mature person, that he’s come across as (disregarding the past three days). What I want, is him to be mature enough to have a real relationship. I want him to be fearless, and strong. This wonderful man, that I see him as. That I see him becoming.
I suppose all he knows right now, is to run and hide. Tough questions are asked, emotions run high, and he’s not sure how to handle them. So he disappears. Not the most mature route, but not completely uncharacteristic of him. I understand. In fact, I’m not too surprised. Maybe that’s I’m not mad or upset. I’m just disappointed. I guess I expected more from this “seasoned” man, that sat on the phone with me, until 4:30am.
He could have hung up, but he didn’t.
He had class mere hours after we ended our conversation, but he stayed and talked to me.
At the end of the episode, Taye Diggs realizes the massive mistake that he made, and as his ex-but-soon-to-be-wife-again walks by, he realizes that they are going to be okay. That he has an uncontrollable love for her. The difference? Taye stood up, and said something. He made the choice to be happy.