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I stood there before you today, again.
Exposed to the world as someone that loves,
exposed to you as the one i love.
i walked to the edge,
glancing back at you,
stepping lightly on each plush decision.
breathing in the warmth of your love.
I smiled at you,
Assuming the best from you.
Quietly, i reached the edge of my cliff,
a zephr from the past nudging me reassuringly.
A small droplet of hope found it's way onto my face, landing right beneath my eye.
Then on my lip,
Again, on my chest.
Slowly progressing, the beautiful sky became cloudy,
the sun was slowly being shut out,
shakled into it's solitude.
There I was.
still with my smile.
drenched in hope,
soaking with reassurance.
I stood there.
Naked, and shivering, awaiting judgment.
Your silence told me all i needed to know.
The look of disgust as you watched the rain collect, and run down my broken body,
was all i needed to see.
all i wated to see.
the realization became clear, then.
that wasn't rain of hope pouring down on us.
That was the angels weeping for what could have been.
I said goodbye to my soul mate that day.
But i still hoped it wasn't for good.
so with a once-warm embrace.
i turned and walked towards the edge of our mountain.
suddenly the beauty was gone,
and my feet were burned and bleeding.
each step away from you was more painful than the last.
but i approached the edge,
tears of blood pouring down my face,
my heart cold and dismembered;
i looked at you one last time, today.
and instead of clearing up the weather,
you look of absence and uncaring pushed me further.
So i opened up my soul,
spread my wings,
and jumped.
.
..
Now I lay here,
broken and bleeding.
I didn't realize that your love was my wings.
That my soul is incomplete without you.
And the worse part is,
is that you "love" was a figment of my imagination.
there was never any love,
there was never any hope,
there was never someone that loved me..
the real me.
there was never someone that cared.
Just a boy,
trapped in the shell of a man,
pretending to be an adult.
Pretending to love me.
Pretending to hold me.
Pretending to care.
Matty B.