"I Make Them Boys Go Loco. What Want My Treasure, So They Get Their Pleasure From My Photos."
I’d be lying if I said that I didn’t like attention from men. We all know that I am the epitome of a Leo, and love my share of spotlight and attention. Recently, I’ve found that my personality and lifestyle is very similar to my good friend, Kyle. While, yes, we may post a few shirtless pictures here and there, we don’t hook up with people off the internet, like most gay men do. This morning for instance, I had six new emails complimenting me. When I graciously thanked them, and politely notified them that I don’t have sex with just anyone, they become defensive, and sometimes rude.
MattyB.: I don’t hook up with people.
N***: What will it take?
MattyB.: To have sex with me? You have to date me.
MattyB.: I’m not like other gay guys, believe it or not.
N***: That's fine with me. Anything for you.
MattyB.: ...You’re in a relationship
N***: That's pretty much over…
MattyB.: How convenient.
It’s not that I think that I’m above them, or a prude. I just try to keep my body, as well as my mind, as safe as possible. While the fact that it’s less interesting to read about, is moot. I figure with all the crazy situations I find myself in, my life plot is engaging enough with out the midnight romps.
Don’t get me wrong, I have had my share of sexual conquests as a crazy young teenager, like we all have. And I’m not saying that I don’t have sex… because (as you read) I do. I just don’t troll the internet and bars finding beefcakes with big dicks to fuck me. It’s demeaning, being a piece of meat. However, I find that I’ve grown and have matured past the mindless hook ups and midnight booty calls. I guess I don’t need the sexual satisfaction to validate the way I feel about how I look, or my body. Instead, I save it for people that I actually want to share my body with. When you see a picture of me suggesting nudity, it’s because I want to share the way I feel in that moment, with you. Not because I want to get pounded.
I was talking to Brady last night about how he was thinking about how he was considering becoming a stripper, when he moved to Colorado Springs. I was a bit taken aback, to say the least. First, he is in a steady relationship with Doni (who I find a hoot). Second, he doesn’t quite have that… desperation, that you need. Finally, he’s not much of a dancer. I mean, he can bop back and forth, wiggle his hips, and groove to the music, just fine. However, when it comes to strutting on stage naked… that takes a certain flair.
It’s hard to see the ones you care about lead a lifestyle that you don’t’ necessarily agree with. Especially, when they are traveling down a road that you know too well. I wouldn’t wish any part of my past upon anyone. I tried to talk him out of it, but we both know that he is a hard headed scorpio, and will have to make his own decisions in life. All I can do is be here to hold his hand, when he needs it.
I guess that’s what love is. Or at least the closest I’ve came to it.
XXO Matty B.
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
“Straight Boys… Where You At? (I’m A Boyfreind Kleptomaniac.)”
Everyone knows that the big and beautiful men with gorgeous golden muscles and bright white smiles secretly love the hipster, alternative boys. I mean look at the amount of profile hits I’ve had today. First of all it’s a Tuesday, and I already have 108 profile views (that’s a lot for this website. i'm the 25th most viewed profile on the entire site, internationally)… and it’s only 8pm! Not to mention my myspace profile, where collectively I have had over 50,000 profile views, since I started a few years ago.
While we may love their tight abs and broad shoulders, we all know that they love our long thin frame, and decisively placed piercings. You know our type. Black straight leg pants, slip on Vans, big hair (full of extensions), fake eyelashes, thick black liner, and brightly colored vintage t-shirts that harmonize with our eclectic and seemingly sporadic tattoos.
It’s not a surprise that guys like us have a mutual admiration for each other. Opposites attract, right? It’s only because of today’s “ideal of beauty” as to why you don’t typically see such different people together.
I recently received an email on connexion from the epitome of the “Abercrombie Gay Male.” He’s 19, 6’, 190 lbs, has washboard abs, and a big beautiful chest, to match his big beautiful smile. It’s funny because I expected his profile to read the exact same as every other guy that looks like him, and messages me. It’s boring to see that your only interests are: “hott bois, workin out, fast cars, sex, not really into the club scene, but still go for hott bois.”
When I went over to his page, I was mildly intrigued by what he had to say. Apparently he’s in school majoring in communication, and has a fairly developed musical taste. I noticed and was thrilled to see that he was a fan of “good” indie-pop. (You would be surprised how much terrible indie music is out there.) He even listed that he was a movie freak, which would be a future conversation starter.
I read the first email he sent to me that said,” Ur too fucking cute.”
Normally, an email like that would come from a 50 year old man, a crack head crystal queen, or the big meaty beef cakes. Usually, I disregarded them, and replied with a simple yet curt, “thank you.” I find the in most cases; people just want to fuck me. As flattering as that may be, at the end of the day, you just feel like a used piece of meat. However today, I was feeling a bit audacious, and emailed him back.
We emailed back and forth a couple of times about what we do and what not. I dance for two companies, and work full time at a salon. He works out and goes to school. I often don’t tell people that I frequent the gym for a couple reasons. (I consider 4 days a week frequent) It’s mostly because I don’t have a six pack, or perfectly etched pecs. However, I’m not necessarily going to the gym to have that perfect body. While EVERY GAY MAN wants that beautiful body of an Adonis, I mainly go to help boost my health. Not only do I sleep better at night, but it’s also helping me to quit smoking, and repair the damage I did as result of on my previously unhealthy lifestyle. Not to mention that it also boosts my self esteem when I see the pounds melt off the scale.
I was interrupted from chatting with him, because I had to actually do my job (god forbid!), which temporarily ended our conversation. This gave me time to collect my wit, and prepare to be charming, yet delightfully hilarious.
I’m sitting here at my desk thinking about guys that I’ve dated in the past that looked like him. Jason was dumber than a box of bleached hair (and that’s putting it lightly). Jeremy wasn’t much of a thinker either. Who doesn’t know which direction is west? I mean, come on. Work with me!
I’m not going to put to much pressure on anything, though. My profile says I’m not looking for anyone for a reason… because I’m not. If someone happens to find me, fabulous. If it happens to come from that, bonus.
All I know is that I’m looking for a part time lover and a full time friend. I don’t have much time or energy for much else, these days.
Matty B.
Everyone knows that the big and beautiful men with gorgeous golden muscles and bright white smiles secretly love the hipster, alternative boys. I mean look at the amount of profile hits I’ve had today. First of all it’s a Tuesday, and I already have 108 profile views (that’s a lot for this website. i'm the 25th most viewed profile on the entire site, internationally)… and it’s only 8pm! Not to mention my myspace profile, where collectively I have had over 50,000 profile views, since I started a few years ago.
While we may love their tight abs and broad shoulders, we all know that they love our long thin frame, and decisively placed piercings. You know our type. Black straight leg pants, slip on Vans, big hair (full of extensions), fake eyelashes, thick black liner, and brightly colored vintage t-shirts that harmonize with our eclectic and seemingly sporadic tattoos.
It’s not a surprise that guys like us have a mutual admiration for each other. Opposites attract, right? It’s only because of today’s “ideal of beauty” as to why you don’t typically see such different people together.
I recently received an email on connexion from the epitome of the “Abercrombie Gay Male.” He’s 19, 6’, 190 lbs, has washboard abs, and a big beautiful chest, to match his big beautiful smile. It’s funny because I expected his profile to read the exact same as every other guy that looks like him, and messages me. It’s boring to see that your only interests are: “hott bois, workin out, fast cars, sex, not really into the club scene, but still go for hott bois.”
When I went over to his page, I was mildly intrigued by what he had to say. Apparently he’s in school majoring in communication, and has a fairly developed musical taste. I noticed and was thrilled to see that he was a fan of “good” indie-pop. (You would be surprised how much terrible indie music is out there.) He even listed that he was a movie freak, which would be a future conversation starter.
I read the first email he sent to me that said,” Ur too fucking cute.”
Normally, an email like that would come from a 50 year old man, a crack head crystal queen, or the big meaty beef cakes. Usually, I disregarded them, and replied with a simple yet curt, “thank you.” I find the in most cases; people just want to fuck me. As flattering as that may be, at the end of the day, you just feel like a used piece of meat. However today, I was feeling a bit audacious, and emailed him back.
We emailed back and forth a couple of times about what we do and what not. I dance for two companies, and work full time at a salon. He works out and goes to school. I often don’t tell people that I frequent the gym for a couple reasons. (I consider 4 days a week frequent) It’s mostly because I don’t have a six pack, or perfectly etched pecs. However, I’m not necessarily going to the gym to have that perfect body. While EVERY GAY MAN wants that beautiful body of an Adonis, I mainly go to help boost my health. Not only do I sleep better at night, but it’s also helping me to quit smoking, and repair the damage I did as result of on my previously unhealthy lifestyle. Not to mention that it also boosts my self esteem when I see the pounds melt off the scale.
I was interrupted from chatting with him, because I had to actually do my job (god forbid!), which temporarily ended our conversation. This gave me time to collect my wit, and prepare to be charming, yet delightfully hilarious.
I’m sitting here at my desk thinking about guys that I’ve dated in the past that looked like him. Jason was dumber than a box of bleached hair (and that’s putting it lightly). Jeremy wasn’t much of a thinker either. Who doesn’t know which direction is west? I mean, come on. Work with me!
I’m not going to put to much pressure on anything, though. My profile says I’m not looking for anyone for a reason… because I’m not. If someone happens to find me, fabulous. If it happens to come from that, bonus.
All I know is that I’m looking for a part time lover and a full time friend. I don’t have much time or energy for much else, these days.
Matty B.
Sunday, April 20, 2008
"I See Right Through To You."
I was drinking abottle glass of wine, when an IC screen popped up, while I was checking my email on connexion. A very attractive man that lives in NYC/LA. one of the first things he said was, “ you are a special person.” Naturally, I was intrigued, and told him to continue.
We spent about an hour talking about me. He just rattled off what he thought (or as he said “felt”) about me, and my life. I of course, thought that he was just another loyal reader, who was regurgitating information that they read on my blog, trying to impress me. Until I read this:
*****: your mom's twin died young?
MattyB.: how on earth did you know that?
MattyB.: i've never written about that.
I had this pit in my stomach that dropped. Robbie, my mom’s twin (whom my little brother is named after) died when he was four, which devastated my grandma. It quintessentially de-railed her entire life, literally, until the day I was born. She completely abandoned her family, because she was so beside herself with grief. Both of my uncles don’t speak with her because of this reckless abandonment. There have been periods of time where my mother hasn’t spoken to her, even though she has more than made up for the lost time, by helping her raise me and my little brother.
We continued to talk until late in the night. He basically painted a picture about how CJ and I’s relationship went from day one, until this very day. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that I loved him whole heartedly. Which is why it probably ended so poorly the first time. I felt that I couldn’t ever have that same un restrained love that I was more than willing to share with him.
*****: you protected him
*****: cared for him
MattyB.: you have no idea.
*****: wait
*****: did you ever feel he got high so that he
could be with you?
*****: and then not remember
MattyB.: i feel that it was easier for him to cope with.
MattyB.: .. this is actually kind of a rough subject for
me.
I almost felt tears welling up inside of me. I had never talked to anyone about ho I had felt about CJ, to anyone. Not even CJ. Not even myself.
People don’t quite understand what it means to have a relationship with me. I didn’t have an opportunity to have a strong family connection while I was growing up. I always relied and depended on my friends to be my support system, my family. All of my friends know that. I spend all of my time talking to and spending time with them. Everyone knows that I have a very tight-knit group, that I spend LITERALLY all of my time with. I treat my friends as my pseudo family.
I don’t know what it is.
I have a little more searching to do I guess.
Matty B.
I was drinking a
We spent about an hour talking about me. He just rattled off what he thought (or as he said “felt”) about me, and my life. I of course, thought that he was just another loyal reader, who was regurgitating information that they read on my blog, trying to impress me. Until I read this:
*****: your mom's twin died young?
MattyB.: how on earth did you know that?
MattyB.: i've never written about that.
I had this pit in my stomach that dropped. Robbie, my mom’s twin (whom my little brother is named after) died when he was four, which devastated my grandma. It quintessentially de-railed her entire life, literally, until the day I was born. She completely abandoned her family, because she was so beside herself with grief. Both of my uncles don’t speak with her because of this reckless abandonment. There have been periods of time where my mother hasn’t spoken to her, even though she has more than made up for the lost time, by helping her raise me and my little brother.
We continued to talk until late in the night. He basically painted a picture about how CJ and I’s relationship went from day one, until this very day. There is no doubt in anyone’s mind that I loved him whole heartedly. Which is why it probably ended so poorly the first time. I felt that I couldn’t ever have that same un restrained love that I was more than willing to share with him.
*****: you protected him
*****: cared for him
MattyB.: you have no idea.
*****: wait
*****: did you ever feel he got high so that he
could be with you?
*****: and then not remember
MattyB.: i feel that it was easier for him to cope with.
MattyB.: .. this is actually kind of a rough subject for
me.
I almost felt tears welling up inside of me. I had never talked to anyone about ho I had felt about CJ, to anyone. Not even CJ. Not even myself.
People don’t quite understand what it means to have a relationship with me. I didn’t have an opportunity to have a strong family connection while I was growing up. I always relied and depended on my friends to be my support system, my family. All of my friends know that. I spend all of my time talking to and spending time with them. Everyone knows that I have a very tight-knit group, that I spend LITERALLY all of my time with. I treat my friends as my pseudo family.
I don’t know what it is.
I have a little more searching to do I guess.
Matty B.
Thursday, April 17, 2008
”I’ve Got My Hair Fixed, Makeup Done, I’m Ready To Go. I Walk In the Club, and You Know I’m The Show-“
The Marquee was packed. Chelsea and I arrived a comfortable (and fashionable) 45 minutes late. No need to show up when the doors open. The last thing I need is to shit in an empty auditorium downtown, looking like I have nothing better to do. When we arrived, we walked up to the will call booth to pick up our tickets. Moments later, we were passing by security guards, and walking up to my very fabulous friend Rock Star Aaron, (very popular and noted Denver DJ) who happened to be one of the hosts of the event. After someone (that neither one of us knew) snapped a photograph or two, I bid him farewell, and scoped the place out with my new favorite person, Chelsea. Not moments later did we run into a crowd of my adult (21+) friends, drinking brightly colored drinks in wide rimmed glasses. I was thrilled to have people over the age of 16 recognize me, and bombard me with hugs, for once.
Chelsea and I met at the salon that I work for, Fix. She not only is my direct supervisor, but is also the owner’s daughter. She’s tall, thin, fierce, and has the most beautiful wavy platinum and blonde extensions. In many ways, she is the “Skipper” to my “Ken”. She is a huge fan of the band “the Chain Gang on 1974”, who happened to be playing with my favorite band Jeffree Star. Naturally we were stoked, and HAD to go together. We even planned matching outfits.
Every band that played that night was even better live. The crowd was screaming, the music was blaring, it was easily the best live performance I have ever seen. And in the Marquee, no less! Right before Jeffree came onto the stage, a very familiar song started to blare from the speakers. “Spice Up Your Life” by the Spice Girls blasted all around you, as he came out onto the stage. I turned to look at my posse of friends, and you could see the thrill and excitement in their expression. By the time Jeffree had finished his first song, the entire crowd was in complete and udder awe. His hair was bright pink, his clothes were tight. The band that was playing for him, and doing back up vocals Electric Valentine were dressed in tight black straight leg pants, and rocked glitter accessories that matched their make up. It was a beautiful sight to see.
After Jeffree Star and Electric Valentine finished their set, I made my way over to the merchandise tables, to meet and greet with him. A few minutes later I was standing with the lead singer of Chain Gang, Kam, and was talking to him and his girlfriend Chelsea, about live music and upcoming shows that they were going to have. Suddenly, I get a small tap on my shoulder. As I turned around, it was a small group of 14-16 year old kids wearing plastic beaded bracelet’s, with big smiles and sweaty faces.
The tallest (and I assume oldest) of the group sheepishly stepped forward, and said very quietly,” Are you Matty B.eautiful?”
I smiled and said,” I am! And who might you be, little one?”
She turned to her friends, blushed and giggled; then said “I’m Daisy. This is Eric, Jem, Kiki- (the list continues, but I regrettably couldn’t, for the life of me, remember all of their names.) Could we get a picture with you?”
I laughed and said “Of course you can.”
They all huddled around me, and one of the girls fumbled with their digital camera. Soon, I was posing for photos with each one individually. 5 minutes and what seemed like 100 kids later, I was thanked with a hug (that left a makeup stain on my shirt), and they were gone. I turned back to the merchandise booth and looked at Chelsea, who was smiling and laughing.
When i was 16, i would frequent parties and raves, which soon led me to become a dancer for two major production companies. In a matter of months, I was dancing on stage for some of the world's bigget DJ's. Trajjik, Heavygrinder, Icey, Miss Lisa, I started spending the weekends with fabulous people who loved music as much as i did. I was working at a bakery, wearing flour stained aprons by day, and dancing my heart out on stage, wearing hot pink booty shorts by night. I suppose that was the very beginning of a B.eautiful revolution.
I spent every waking moment studying pop culture. From listening to Millionaires and Jeffree Star, to studying his and Raquel Reed's photographs, so that i could further develop my make up artistry skills. I wanted to live and be that life: a living easel that could be explored, colored, cut, coped and experienced. I spend my life living and breathing art, whether it is through dance, writing, photography, or being photographed… I live and breathe art.
Naturally, spending so much time submerged in the hipster culture scene, I’ve learned and picked up a few things. I may not necessarily live in California, New York, or Miami, but I think it’s important to be knowledgeable of popular hot spots, and trendy places to be, if I happen to find myself in a situation where I have to opportunity to network.
ChrisCashe: omg, did u go to tracks last night?
MattyB.: i didn't, i rarely go to tracks these days
ChrisCashe: i went with 2 friends, and met up with a few others. and got kicked out after being there for 2 hours. it sucked. almost got arrested for underage drinking. lol I was buzzzin hard and talked my way out of it.
MattyB.: Well the Denver PD are push overs. (plus they love some drunken twink ass)
ChrisCashe: yeah it sucked . and i saw my ex there flaunting sthit around
MattyB.: That's what tracks is about. Seeing exes and flaunting shit. Well, that and being groped by their employees.
ChrisCashe: i'm so not from colorado
MattyB.: where are you from?
ChrisCashe: I'm from Oklahoma
MattyB.: did you used to go to the Wreck Room?
ChrisCashe: I had plans to go with a bunch of friends, but left before I could. You know about Oklahoma?
MattyB.: i know everything.
ChrisCashe: lol whatever! have u been to OKC or something/?
MattyB.: no i've never been
ChrisCashe: omg how did u know about it!!!!!!!!!!!!! hhahaha!
MattyB.: i've been told that i'm "just one of those people who just know everything about everyone." ;)
ChrisCashe: that's what i hear.
After all the bands played, Chelsea and I invited Kam and his girlfriend Chelsea to go to Denver Diner with us. They were stoked, and insisted on coming… right after they loaded their truck. We had a few drinks at the bar next door, while we waited for them to finish. About 45 minutes later, Chelsea called me, and told us that they were about done. When we went out front to meet them, Jeffree was just leaving his tour bus with a gaggle of tattooed gays. Behind him, was his manager MissE, who was desperately looking for a light for her cigarette. A thanks, a wink, and a pearly white smile later, we stood there and talked about live music for almost an hour. MissE was not only a super cool chick (it was her birthday that night!), but she was also down to earth, telling me about some of her and Jeffree’s secret inside stories about their tour that they had. I laughed out loud when she told me that he’s been arrested for assault SEVEN times, and that she budgeted bail money into their tour expenses.
Around 2am, I bid her farewell, after promising her that I would myspace her the next day, and get information about them playing on the Hurley Stage during Warped Tour. Apparently, we “had to get with her, so that we can party together!” She even told me a few trade secrets about how to get back stage, which I plan to utilize.
To top off the night, as we were walking away, we ran into the two members of Electric Valentine, and gushed about how amazing they were on stage. They were more than happy to give us their 3 Song EP Demo Disc and a hug, before we trotted off to Denver Diner to meet Kam and Chelsea.
On the drive back home, Chels and I blasted Electric Valentine’s “All I Wanted” from the litte speakers in her Scion. She was sitting in the passenger seat looking at the T-Shirts we got, and chatting about how we have to continue to see these small venue shows. In all honesty I have to agree. When an artist is performing at a smaller venue, it’s almost like they are trying harder. And it definitely shows.
Having that close intimate connection with someone, while they’re sharing their music with you… is the beauty of live performance. I know that I’m always giving it my all when I’m dancing on stage, always trying to give more and more of myself, even when there is nothing left. That’s what makes a great performer, in my opinion. Always looking for more, and always giving more.
Maybe I just have a soft spot for people in the lime light. Maybe I have a soft spot for artists. Either way, it was one of the best nights of my life… and I think I’ve finally found my niche. Not at the gay bars, not at the gay clubs, not even at the coffee shops… I think my new love affair is the underground music scene.
I haven’t felt that alive in a long time. You should experience it for yourself.
Next Concert I’m THRILLED to see: Millionaires with Breathe Carolina at Cervantes.
Matty B.
The Marquee was packed. Chelsea and I arrived a comfortable (and fashionable) 45 minutes late. No need to show up when the doors open. The last thing I need is to shit in an empty auditorium downtown, looking like I have nothing better to do. When we arrived, we walked up to the will call booth to pick up our tickets. Moments later, we were passing by security guards, and walking up to my very fabulous friend Rock Star Aaron, (very popular and noted Denver DJ) who happened to be one of the hosts of the event. After someone (that neither one of us knew) snapped a photograph or two, I bid him farewell, and scoped the place out with my new favorite person, Chelsea. Not moments later did we run into a crowd of my adult (21+) friends, drinking brightly colored drinks in wide rimmed glasses. I was thrilled to have people over the age of 16 recognize me, and bombard me with hugs, for once.
Chelsea and I met at the salon that I work for, Fix. She not only is my direct supervisor, but is also the owner’s daughter. She’s tall, thin, fierce, and has the most beautiful wavy platinum and blonde extensions. In many ways, she is the “Skipper” to my “Ken”. She is a huge fan of the band “the Chain Gang on 1974”, who happened to be playing with my favorite band Jeffree Star. Naturally we were stoked, and HAD to go together. We even planned matching outfits.
Every band that played that night was even better live. The crowd was screaming, the music was blaring, it was easily the best live performance I have ever seen. And in the Marquee, no less! Right before Jeffree came onto the stage, a very familiar song started to blare from the speakers. “Spice Up Your Life” by the Spice Girls blasted all around you, as he came out onto the stage. I turned to look at my posse of friends, and you could see the thrill and excitement in their expression. By the time Jeffree had finished his first song, the entire crowd was in complete and udder awe. His hair was bright pink, his clothes were tight. The band that was playing for him, and doing back up vocals Electric Valentine were dressed in tight black straight leg pants, and rocked glitter accessories that matched their make up. It was a beautiful sight to see.
After Jeffree Star and Electric Valentine finished their set, I made my way over to the merchandise tables, to meet and greet with him. A few minutes later I was standing with the lead singer of Chain Gang, Kam, and was talking to him and his girlfriend Chelsea, about live music and upcoming shows that they were going to have. Suddenly, I get a small tap on my shoulder. As I turned around, it was a small group of 14-16 year old kids wearing plastic beaded bracelet’s, with big smiles and sweaty faces.
The tallest (and I assume oldest) of the group sheepishly stepped forward, and said very quietly,” Are you Matty B.eautiful?”
I smiled and said,” I am! And who might you be, little one?”
She turned to her friends, blushed and giggled; then said “I’m Daisy. This is Eric, Jem, Kiki- (the list continues, but I regrettably couldn’t, for the life of me, remember all of their names.) Could we get a picture with you?”
I laughed and said “Of course you can.”
They all huddled around me, and one of the girls fumbled with their digital camera. Soon, I was posing for photos with each one individually. 5 minutes and what seemed like 100 kids later, I was thanked with a hug (that left a makeup stain on my shirt), and they were gone. I turned back to the merchandise booth and looked at Chelsea, who was smiling and laughing.
When i was 16, i would frequent parties and raves, which soon led me to become a dancer for two major production companies. In a matter of months, I was dancing on stage for some of the world's bigget DJ's. Trajjik, Heavygrinder, Icey, Miss Lisa, I started spending the weekends with fabulous people who loved music as much as i did. I was working at a bakery, wearing flour stained aprons by day, and dancing my heart out on stage, wearing hot pink booty shorts by night. I suppose that was the very beginning of a B.eautiful revolution.
I spent every waking moment studying pop culture. From listening to Millionaires and Jeffree Star, to studying his and Raquel Reed's photographs, so that i could further develop my make up artistry skills. I wanted to live and be that life: a living easel that could be explored, colored, cut, coped and experienced. I spend my life living and breathing art, whether it is through dance, writing, photography, or being photographed… I live and breathe art.
Naturally, spending so much time submerged in the hipster culture scene, I’ve learned and picked up a few things. I may not necessarily live in California, New York, or Miami, but I think it’s important to be knowledgeable of popular hot spots, and trendy places to be, if I happen to find myself in a situation where I have to opportunity to network.
ChrisCashe: omg, did u go to tracks last night?
MattyB.: i didn't, i rarely go to tracks these days
ChrisCashe: i went with 2 friends, and met up with a few others. and got kicked out after being there for 2 hours. it sucked. almost got arrested for underage drinking. lol I was buzzzin hard and talked my way out of it.
MattyB.: Well the Denver PD are push overs. (plus they love some drunken twink ass)
ChrisCashe: yeah it sucked . and i saw my ex there flaunting sthit around
MattyB.: That's what tracks is about. Seeing exes and flaunting shit. Well, that and being groped by their employees.
ChrisCashe: i'm so not from colorado
MattyB.: where are you from?
ChrisCashe: I'm from Oklahoma
MattyB.: did you used to go to the Wreck Room?
ChrisCashe: I had plans to go with a bunch of friends, but left before I could. You know about Oklahoma?
MattyB.: i know everything.
ChrisCashe: lol whatever! have u been to OKC or something/?
MattyB.: no i've never been
ChrisCashe: omg how did u know about it!!!!!!!!!!!!! hhahaha!
MattyB.: i've been told that i'm "just one of those people who just know everything about everyone." ;)
ChrisCashe: that's what i hear.
After all the bands played, Chelsea and I invited Kam and his girlfriend Chelsea to go to Denver Diner with us. They were stoked, and insisted on coming… right after they loaded their truck. We had a few drinks at the bar next door, while we waited for them to finish. About 45 minutes later, Chelsea called me, and told us that they were about done. When we went out front to meet them, Jeffree was just leaving his tour bus with a gaggle of tattooed gays. Behind him, was his manager MissE, who was desperately looking for a light for her cigarette. A thanks, a wink, and a pearly white smile later, we stood there and talked about live music for almost an hour. MissE was not only a super cool chick (it was her birthday that night!), but she was also down to earth, telling me about some of her and Jeffree’s secret inside stories about their tour that they had. I laughed out loud when she told me that he’s been arrested for assault SEVEN times, and that she budgeted bail money into their tour expenses.
Around 2am, I bid her farewell, after promising her that I would myspace her the next day, and get information about them playing on the Hurley Stage during Warped Tour. Apparently, we “had to get with her, so that we can party together!” She even told me a few trade secrets about how to get back stage, which I plan to utilize.
To top off the night, as we were walking away, we ran into the two members of Electric Valentine, and gushed about how amazing they were on stage. They were more than happy to give us their 3 Song EP Demo Disc and a hug, before we trotted off to Denver Diner to meet Kam and Chelsea.
On the drive back home, Chels and I blasted Electric Valentine’s “All I Wanted” from the litte speakers in her Scion. She was sitting in the passenger seat looking at the T-Shirts we got, and chatting about how we have to continue to see these small venue shows. In all honesty I have to agree. When an artist is performing at a smaller venue, it’s almost like they are trying harder. And it definitely shows.
Having that close intimate connection with someone, while they’re sharing their music with you… is the beauty of live performance. I know that I’m always giving it my all when I’m dancing on stage, always trying to give more and more of myself, even when there is nothing left. That’s what makes a great performer, in my opinion. Always looking for more, and always giving more.
Maybe I just have a soft spot for people in the lime light. Maybe I have a soft spot for artists. Either way, it was one of the best nights of my life… and I think I’ve finally found my niche. Not at the gay bars, not at the gay clubs, not even at the coffee shops… I think my new love affair is the underground music scene.
I haven’t felt that alive in a long time. You should experience it for yourself.
Next Concert I’m THRILLED to see: Millionaires with Breathe Carolina at Cervantes.
Matty B.
Saturday, April 05, 2008
"I Never Knew A Heart [like yours] Existed, Outside Of Make Believe!"
I was talking to my friend Kyle yesterday, about the whole "Blog Scandal" that has been happening this past week. Apparently a lot of people were very angry that i would air their dirty laundry so openly. (Chances are, is that you're reading my blog right now to see if your name, or someone you knows name is in it). Not only are the people immidiately involved a bit perturbed, but the people they sleep with weren't too pleased either. In case you've been living under a rock, i'll spell it out for you: everyone on campus, is sleeping with everyone else. Or... that's what a naturally assumed. (and we all see where that got me!)
Over the past few months, Kyle has been crushing on this guy that we both became acquainted with at Brady's party. He was cute, funny, had an awesome taste in comedians. Not only that, but Kyle and him shared a class together, and frequently got to talk and study together. After hearing that Kyle was interested in him, i told him that he should totally go for it! As any serial dater (like myself) would say, if you want something, go get it. No use sitting around and waiting for it to fall in your lap, right? Nothing will happen in your life if you don't spark change. Plus, living is no fun without a variable or two.
So he did as i suggested. a little light flirting and a few hang outs later, they made a study date! How exciting is that? This super cute boy that he likes, agrees to come and go over some... notes. The lights are dim, with acoustic rock playing in the background. of course you're wearing your most expensive jeans, but play it off like it's totally casual. you offer him a drink, and naturally he accepts. Suddenly you're laughing about the professor's disgusting tweed coat he always wears, and how the tests are so hard that you never seem to get in enough studying. One thing leads to another, and your iPod's shuffle setting starts to play "Black Tongue" by: the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The look in his eye and the smirk resting on his lips, tell you it's on.
But wait! You're pulled back to reality, where you notice his most recent facebook update, detailing that he's in a relationship with a friend of yours! you laid down all this ground work for this amazing cinematic evening that would ideally lead you to the most amazing first sexual experience. Naturally, you find that he is not available, and the entire time you thought he was interested in you, he wasn't. What a fucking break. How typical.
We have all been in these situations, where you think that you are on the same level with this person, then you're slapped in the face with a harsh dose of reality. Like we all are, Kyle was a bit discouraged. As someone with a third person view, i was a bit confounded as to why this boy wasn't interested. Let's be honest here: Kyle is smart, funny, and has a good head on his shoulders. He's tall and thin, looks great in a tie and vest, and frankly has one of the most developed musical tastes that i've encountered in a long time. (next to my own of course.) ;)
Then i take a look at my most recent interactions with men. Whenever i meet someone that i am interested in, i'm always dropping hints, subtlety making them aware of what a great person they are, and constantly compliment them. i suggest music to them that i think they would like, and insist we go out to fabulous restaurants, always finding an excuse to touch them. Unfortunately it's a rarity that BOYS pick up on such discreet flirtations. I've found that the only way to get a boy's attention is to yell in their face that you want them to fuck you. Even then there are occasions where they are still confused.
For Kyle, that isn't an option. He is the first virgin at CU that i have ever met. He takes the health of his body very seriously (like myself), and doesn't just fuck ANYONE that lives across the hall from him at the dorms. I find that an incredibly attractive personality trait. having respect for yourself and your body is a moral that many of my friends are not familiar with.
I told an old friend of mine (that i recently pissed off), that it wasn't all about the six packs and the bubble butts. Believe it or not, there are more to people than how they can appease your sexual appetites. I personally find that intelligence and charisma can be sexier than any bulge or dimple. However, people need to learn on their own, rather than take my advice. That ultimately results in a plethora of life lessons for me to write about, which keeps all of you reading.
I told Kyle that he shouldn't get discouraged, because he has yet to find someone that has the depth and intelligence that he would need from someone. Plus, it's better to be safe and hold onto something a little longer, than to be sorry about how you lost it. I sure learned that lesson early.
I have a feeling that his spirits are going to be lifted soon. I'm going to visit him this week!
Stay tuned for updates!
Matty B.
I was talking to my friend Kyle yesterday, about the whole "Blog Scandal" that has been happening this past week. Apparently a lot of people were very angry that i would air their dirty laundry so openly. (Chances are, is that you're reading my blog right now to see if your name, or someone you knows name is in it). Not only are the people immidiately involved a bit perturbed, but the people they sleep with weren't too pleased either. In case you've been living under a rock, i'll spell it out for you: everyone on campus, is sleeping with everyone else. Or... that's what a naturally assumed. (and we all see where that got me!)
Over the past few months, Kyle has been crushing on this guy that we both became acquainted with at Brady's party. He was cute, funny, had an awesome taste in comedians. Not only that, but Kyle and him shared a class together, and frequently got to talk and study together. After hearing that Kyle was interested in him, i told him that he should totally go for it! As any serial dater (like myself) would say, if you want something, go get it. No use sitting around and waiting for it to fall in your lap, right? Nothing will happen in your life if you don't spark change. Plus, living is no fun without a variable or two.
So he did as i suggested. a little light flirting and a few hang outs later, they made a study date! How exciting is that? This super cute boy that he likes, agrees to come and go over some... notes. The lights are dim, with acoustic rock playing in the background. of course you're wearing your most expensive jeans, but play it off like it's totally casual. you offer him a drink, and naturally he accepts. Suddenly you're laughing about the professor's disgusting tweed coat he always wears, and how the tests are so hard that you never seem to get in enough studying. One thing leads to another, and your iPod's shuffle setting starts to play "Black Tongue" by: the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. The look in his eye and the smirk resting on his lips, tell you it's on.
But wait! You're pulled back to reality, where you notice his most recent facebook update, detailing that he's in a relationship with a friend of yours! you laid down all this ground work for this amazing cinematic evening that would ideally lead you to the most amazing first sexual experience. Naturally, you find that he is not available, and the entire time you thought he was interested in you, he wasn't. What a fucking break. How typical.
We have all been in these situations, where you think that you are on the same level with this person, then you're slapped in the face with a harsh dose of reality. Like we all are, Kyle was a bit discouraged. As someone with a third person view, i was a bit confounded as to why this boy wasn't interested. Let's be honest here: Kyle is smart, funny, and has a good head on his shoulders. He's tall and thin, looks great in a tie and vest, and frankly has one of the most developed musical tastes that i've encountered in a long time. (next to my own of course.) ;)
Then i take a look at my most recent interactions with men. Whenever i meet someone that i am interested in, i'm always dropping hints, subtlety making them aware of what a great person they are, and constantly compliment them. i suggest music to them that i think they would like, and insist we go out to fabulous restaurants, always finding an excuse to touch them. Unfortunately it's a rarity that BOYS pick up on such discreet flirtations. I've found that the only way to get a boy's attention is to yell in their face that you want them to fuck you. Even then there are occasions where they are still confused.
For Kyle, that isn't an option. He is the first virgin at CU that i have ever met. He takes the health of his body very seriously (like myself), and doesn't just fuck ANYONE that lives across the hall from him at the dorms. I find that an incredibly attractive personality trait. having respect for yourself and your body is a moral that many of my friends are not familiar with.
I told an old friend of mine (that i recently pissed off), that it wasn't all about the six packs and the bubble butts. Believe it or not, there are more to people than how they can appease your sexual appetites. I personally find that intelligence and charisma can be sexier than any bulge or dimple. However, people need to learn on their own, rather than take my advice. That ultimately results in a plethora of life lessons for me to write about, which keeps all of you reading.
I told Kyle that he shouldn't get discouraged, because he has yet to find someone that has the depth and intelligence that he would need from someone. Plus, it's better to be safe and hold onto something a little longer, than to be sorry about how you lost it. I sure learned that lesson early.
I have a feeling that his spirits are going to be lifted soon. I'm going to visit him this week!
Stay tuned for updates!
Matty B.
Thursday, April 03, 2008
“You're So Nice and You're So Smart. You're Such a Good Friend, I Have To Break Your Heart.”
People spend their lives looking for that one thing that makes them exponentially happy. Usually, it’s something that is almost impossible to find. For some it’s that gorgeous downtown loft. For others it’s that gorgeous man with an 8 pack and an 8 inch uncut cock. For me, it’s that fantastic person that completely captures my life. They’re my best friend, my confidant, and my partner.
When I first moved out of my mom’s house, it was Bri. We lived and loved life together. We had the world in common, and spent every moment experiencing it. In high school, it was Brady. I didn’t have many friends at the beginning of my senior year, because I had spent the previous year doting over him. We were attached at the… hip. When I moved to Denver, it was Ashley, and Aimee. We would go to the club together, drink together, go to school together, and go to the gym together…
I tend to surround myself with people that I care about, and treat every moment with them like it was my last, because you never know when it may be. Of course, I am still friends with them, but not like I used to be. Between work, school, and living situations, we’ve drifted apart. One un-replied text message turns into three unanswered phone calls. Suddenly, we’re drifting off each other’s “Top 8” on myspace, and we’re merely a friendly picture comment every few months.
Usually it’s of equal fault because of our mutual negligence. However, the turmoil in my most recent friendship was almost entirely my fault. These days, I think I look for the flaws in people, because I feel pessimistic towards the outcome. After Jenna and my HUGE blow out witch each other senior year of high school, and being phased out by my so-called best friends CJ and Tasha, after I relocated to Denver, I have had a hard time opening up to people. Since my separation from CJ and Tasha, I think that I can honestly say that I haven’t loved someone as much as I loved them. CJ and I talk occasionally, but it always just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth, because I know it’ll never be the same.
I made a few assumptions about Jeff that I perhaps shouldn’t have. Perhaps I said a few things that I could have kept to myself. I have a hard time trusting and naturally assume the worst from the people I consider to be close to me. I think it’s because I’ve been lied to, dissed and dismissed by so many previous “best friends”. At this point, I just assume that anyone who holds that title is going to turn out just like the one before, and that I should just enjoy it while it lasts… because it won’t. This of course, isn’t a positive way to think about my friends, nor is it a way to live life.
I spend a lot of time preaching that people should try to see the world in its purest form, when I myself can’t manage to see past my own pessimism. Looking in at myself, I see that I am setting myself up for failure by writing everyone off as an asshole, before giving them a chance. This is hypocritical because I’m always trying to get people to see me as an individual, rather than grouped in with the rest of the “bitchy gays”. Thus my inner conflict.
Of course I didn’t sabotage all this by myself, however it was suggested that I don’t point my finger so directly at people. Apparently some don’t look as good under the limelight, as I do. Meaning, I don’t have secrets and masks. I put all my shit out in the open for people to see… and that is what makes me real. I’m not afraid of judgment, like other people are.
I’m not one the regret and wish about things that I had done in the past. I try to work it out, and if I can’t, I learn from it and move on. I talked to Jeff last night, and tried to talk things out with him, about my most recent blog posts. As of last night, I think we came to an understanding. People who don’t know me, have been calling me “noble” and a “marauder”… and not in a nice way. If they spent any time with me at all, they would know how I approach people, and understand that that is how I am all the time.
..if that makes me noble, then so be it.
Brady and I talked tonight for a few hours. First over text, then we talked on the phone, after I got home from dance. As Brady said to me in a text message this evening:
“As a defense, I should also say that people are entitled to their secrets. But if the secrets put others at risk, that’s when people should know.”
I responded:
“I absolutely agree. Can I use that as a quote for my blog?”
He then said:
“What, the entitled to their secrets part? Sure. I might get emails now too tho. ;)”
We both find this entire situation very amusing. I’ve been to a hundred parties where liquor and what they ate for lunch, wasn’t the only thing people were purging. Word vomit is only magnified when you add alcohol to it. The difference between me and THE REST OF THE GAY COMMUNITY, is that I’m not intimidated to voice my opinion. Anything I say or write about, I would comfortable saying to their face.
I don’t know if that makes me honest or a just a bitch. Either way, I’m not stereotypical, and I pride myself on that.
Matty B.
People spend their lives looking for that one thing that makes them exponentially happy. Usually, it’s something that is almost impossible to find. For some it’s that gorgeous downtown loft. For others it’s that gorgeous man with an 8 pack and an 8 inch uncut cock. For me, it’s that fantastic person that completely captures my life. They’re my best friend, my confidant, and my partner.
When I first moved out of my mom’s house, it was Bri. We lived and loved life together. We had the world in common, and spent every moment experiencing it. In high school, it was Brady. I didn’t have many friends at the beginning of my senior year, because I had spent the previous year doting over him. We were attached at the… hip. When I moved to Denver, it was Ashley, and Aimee. We would go to the club together, drink together, go to school together, and go to the gym together…
I tend to surround myself with people that I care about, and treat every moment with them like it was my last, because you never know when it may be. Of course, I am still friends with them, but not like I used to be. Between work, school, and living situations, we’ve drifted apart. One un-replied text message turns into three unanswered phone calls. Suddenly, we’re drifting off each other’s “Top 8” on myspace, and we’re merely a friendly picture comment every few months.
Usually it’s of equal fault because of our mutual negligence. However, the turmoil in my most recent friendship was almost entirely my fault. These days, I think I look for the flaws in people, because I feel pessimistic towards the outcome. After Jenna and my HUGE blow out witch each other senior year of high school, and being phased out by my so-called best friends CJ and Tasha, after I relocated to Denver, I have had a hard time opening up to people. Since my separation from CJ and Tasha, I think that I can honestly say that I haven’t loved someone as much as I loved them. CJ and I talk occasionally, but it always just leaves me with a sour taste in my mouth, because I know it’ll never be the same.
I made a few assumptions about Jeff that I perhaps shouldn’t have. Perhaps I said a few things that I could have kept to myself. I have a hard time trusting and naturally assume the worst from the people I consider to be close to me. I think it’s because I’ve been lied to, dissed and dismissed by so many previous “best friends”. At this point, I just assume that anyone who holds that title is going to turn out just like the one before, and that I should just enjoy it while it lasts… because it won’t. This of course, isn’t a positive way to think about my friends, nor is it a way to live life.
I spend a lot of time preaching that people should try to see the world in its purest form, when I myself can’t manage to see past my own pessimism. Looking in at myself, I see that I am setting myself up for failure by writing everyone off as an asshole, before giving them a chance. This is hypocritical because I’m always trying to get people to see me as an individual, rather than grouped in with the rest of the “bitchy gays”. Thus my inner conflict.
Of course I didn’t sabotage all this by myself, however it was suggested that I don’t point my finger so directly at people. Apparently some don’t look as good under the limelight, as I do. Meaning, I don’t have secrets and masks. I put all my shit out in the open for people to see… and that is what makes me real. I’m not afraid of judgment, like other people are.
I’m not one the regret and wish about things that I had done in the past. I try to work it out, and if I can’t, I learn from it and move on. I talked to Jeff last night, and tried to talk things out with him, about my most recent blog posts. As of last night, I think we came to an understanding. People who don’t know me, have been calling me “noble” and a “marauder”… and not in a nice way. If they spent any time with me at all, they would know how I approach people, and understand that that is how I am all the time.
..if that makes me noble, then so be it.
Brady and I talked tonight for a few hours. First over text, then we talked on the phone, after I got home from dance. As Brady said to me in a text message this evening:
“As a defense, I should also say that people are entitled to their secrets. But if the secrets put others at risk, that’s when people should know.”
I responded:
“I absolutely agree. Can I use that as a quote for my blog?”
He then said:
“What, the entitled to their secrets part? Sure. I might get emails now too tho. ;)”
We both find this entire situation very amusing. I’ve been to a hundred parties where liquor and what they ate for lunch, wasn’t the only thing people were purging. Word vomit is only magnified when you add alcohol to it. The difference between me and THE REST OF THE GAY COMMUNITY, is that I’m not intimidated to voice my opinion. Anything I say or write about, I would comfortable saying to their face.
I don’t know if that makes me honest or a just a bitch. Either way, I’m not stereotypical, and I pride myself on that.
Matty B.