The Only Little Boy In New York

I've been busting my ass up and down this house.
And i am STILL not done.
This whole moving process has been so hard.
Ohysically and emotionally draining.

Eric is coming over tomorrow morning,
at like 7am,
and i'm makin ghim sleep next to me.
I've been missing that warm body next to me.

I feel foolish.
I'm exhausted.
it's almost midnight.
..yet i'm staying awake
because I want him to come online?
Who am I?
This is fucking ridiculous.
I don't do this.
I don't swoon over boys.
I feel so childish,
and i'm kind of upset with myself that i'm acting so freely.

I feel..
veunerable.
Not that shallow veunerable,
the "Strip-me-down-and-expose-me-to-a-world-of-window-shoppers" veunerable.
It makes me uncomfortable,
and other than a brief chat that we had,
he hasn't really given me that..
that sign of faith, you know?

I have now where this is going.
I knwo where I want it to go,
but i kinda feel liek i'm the only one out there taking a chance, you know?
I mean, if you look at his profile and his X's profile,
they have matching pictures of them.

I don't know.
Take a small breath.
light a cigarette.
I've made my move.
now [please] make one of your own.

I'm drivin' 95, and i've tried a little more lately
Matty B.

I Can Do What He Can Do [SO MUCH BETTER]

I feel torn.
Part of me wants to dive in head first.
Full on, rip off my clothes,
complete submersion; plunge.

It's irks me a little,
because I am so impatient.
Let's be honest kids,
I want what I want,
when I want!
However, that is the lesson of growing up.
Patience.
Waiting.
[this that and the other thing].
I guess all great things are worth the wait?

I think my problem is,
is that i need to get out.
go drink,
have fun!
laugh.scream.yell.jump.blastmusic.smile.
It just sucks,
because I want to do all those things with him.

Arg.
Listening to Ain't No Other Man,
by the amazing Xtina Aguilera prolly isn't helping.
God damn fucking 17 year-old hormones.

I.CAN'T.BELIEVE.THAT.AMANDA.WAS.VOTED.OFF.ANTM!

You got what I want boy, and I want it.
Matty B.

"Good Fortune Is Coming To You."

I feel like i'm in a lull.
I'm sitting in the middle of the living room,
eating chinese food.

The silence is head-pounding.
I look around the empty house,
and mirror images of our history are laughing,
dancing,
crying,
smoking,
drinking,
eating BBQ chicken,
watching Project Runway,
making home made popcorn,
hugging,
throwing underwear at eachother.

How upsetting.
Straight up now tell me, do you really want love?
Matty B.

The Break Up Box

I have been packing and cleaning all day.
I finally come to my room,
and EVERYTHING is packed,
except for one drawer.
I haven't opened it in almost 4 months.

I approach it with caution,
slide it open,
and immidiatly i can smell your scent.
i pull out the drawer,
lay it in my lap,
and begin my quest.

At first i thought it was going to be bad.
For reals.
The first thing I saw was a small note,
written on a "Scribble Pad For Little Episcopalians" reading:

"Been tryin' to get a hold of you all morning.
Finally stopped by but you were not here.
I love you and I miss you. Call me later.
:P
♥
-B"

As I skim the first line,
Anna Nalick starts to sing "Forever Love".
I flip the page over,
as if there's more,
and smile to myself.

I am so appreciative that someone could teach me how to love, like that.
For a long time I was so scared that Love wasn't an emotion I could feel.

Hello.
My.Name.Is.Matty.
I.Am.Human.Today.

Thank.You.
2am and i'm still awake writing a song-"
Matty B.

si un bellissimo ragazzo

He left me with that.
<>

My translator tells me it means:
"A Beautifulist Boy"

Broken english?
Who fucking cares.
It's the most beautiful thing that's been said to me,
in a LONG time.

It's just one of those nights
Matty B.

si un bellissimo ragazzo

He left me with that.
<>

My translator tells me it means:
"A Beautifulist Boy"

Broken english?
Who fucking cares.
It's the most beautiful thing that's been said to me,
in a LONG time.

It's just one of those nights
Matty B.

I'm Focused. I Want This. In This Case, I'm Patient.
[i want everything he's got]

I want him.
It's been decided.
Just Stop Me.
It's Not Easy.
Can't Keep a Lion From Huntin'.

I want his gentle touch on my cheek.
I want his soft kiss on the small of my back.
I want his playful bite on the inside of my thigh.
I want his hot breath on the nape of my neck.
I want strong arms wrapped around my body.
I want his warm body pressed up against me.
Most of all,
I want his genuine heart to beat the same tune as mine.

I know I'll get all this,
If I can master patience.

You must not know about me, you must not know about me..
Matty B.

TITANIC

I've been sitting here for 3 hours.

And I've never felt like my life has ever been more vapid.
G'uhahw.

I wish my holdiay romance was lying next to me.
In due time.

Have you seen my blue diamond?
Matty B.

What Comes First? The Relationship Or The Sex?

I've found myself lying in bed,
Sitting on the bus,
Or lounging around my house,
wondering to myself,
today's VERY prevelant question:
What comes first? The relationship or the sex?

I was flipping through my old scrapbook
while i was cleaning and packing,
and a bunch of old photo's fell out.
I picked them up,
and it's snapshots of my friends laughing,
funny faces,
bad make-up accidents,
and old boyfriends and I.

Here I am,
sitting there at the ripe-old age of 17
[almost 18]
looking at pictures of me 3, 4, 5 years ago
cuddling with boyfriends,
kissing,
hugging,
basically, my life was the epitamy of a gay PG-13 movie.
(puberty fat, acne, and all).
Although my virginity was lost at such a young age,
I found that through my middle school/highschool years
were very G rated,
and innocent.

However,
once i moved out of my mother's house
[summer before junior year]
i was a little more permiscuous.
I wasn't a slut, mind you,
but i was having [safe] fun,
and experimenting with my newfound freedom.

With Mr.OZ,
It was the first time in a year that I went slowly,
[I mean, we waited for about a month before having sex,
and he was a virgin, which was refreshing.]
and it was by far the most successful relationship.

In my most recent..er... "romance",
the second time i saw him
i was drunk,
and we fooled around.

WAIT!
I'm not complaining or doubting anything.
I'm just analizing past relationship patterns.

It was amazing.
It IS amazing.
Whenever I'm with him,
it tops the previous visit.
He is so genuine,
caring and thoughtful.
I don't think i've smiled so much on account of somebody else,
in my ENTIRE life.
And it's.. again, refeshing.

However,
I can't help thinking to myself:
Am i setting myself up for failure?
I haven't had a sucessful relationship with someone when it started with sex.
There's more to me than that,
and sometimes [because of my own self-consiousness],
I think that i'm SO interested with this fantastic guy,
that i'm trying to keep him around with sex.
[i mean, i dont want him to get bored, right?]
Don't get me wrong,
i can't keep my hands off him,
as much as he has his on me,
but what would put the cherry on top,
is if we had that "trust".
because then i would know it's bigger than that.

I know i over analize.
But the results that came back,
is that this is good.
I can feel it.
My Holiday Romance has arrived,
and he's a choir major.

You know you love me. Heh, it's true.
Matty B.

First Class, Up In The Sky

I just returned from the Airport.
While I was waiting for my friend's daughter to land,
I found myself sipping on an Orangina,
in the back of the Smoker's Lounge.

A man at the next table
[also alone]
strikes up a conversation with me.
He's a film producer in LA,
and hs been for the past two years.
He recently flew up to meet his parents that live in the Springs.
He grew up in Texas,
and hates L.A.
He spends $1700 a month on a two bedroom in West Hollywood.

He was very intrigued to hear that i was visiting my grandfather,
It had been two years since i had seen him,
because I was so busy at Parsons Design School in Paris.
After winning an art competition,
i decided to use the money to visit my family over break.

Huh.
I wonder if his story is as true clever as mine.

Have you ever noticed?
Matty B.

I dig It.

I lie my body down on your soft bed.
Not a second passes by,
and your body is hovering above mine,
your hot breath tingling my lower lip.
Our eyes lock,
your body descends,
and the pressure of your body against mine
triggers me.
Gives me the signal to go.
your hand traces my frame,
and your lips attach themselves to mine.
your slide your arm underneath me,
I grab onto you,
and flip you on your back.
Mild surprise flashes in your eyes,
i grab the back of your neck,
and kiss you with everything I've got.
Your nails dig into my back,
and you can still feel the slight burn of my bite on your neck,
while i slowly drag my tongue down your chest,
over your stomach,
and past your belly button.
Your body tenses up,
and i know you're close,
so i pull away,
and you toss me back up on the bed.
you're on my again,
looking at me face to face,
condensation accumulating on your brow.
my legs wrapped around you,
your stomach pressed firmly against mine,
our bodies lubricated with anticipation and sweat.
The grin on your face tells me you like it.
The gasp in your breath tells me you want it.
The touch of your tongue tells me i'm close.
The rhasp in your voice tells me you're ready.
The look in your eye tells me i'm desired.

One more touch,
one more grasp,
one more minute,
and together, we're gone.

I open my moist eyes,
to see you looking at me:
a sparkle in your eyes; admiring.
a small smile appears on my face,
and you lean in and kiss me.
You wrap your arms around me,
and i'm lost in bliss.

You know you love me.
Matty B.

Ditto

It's been rough naming this man i keep blogging about.
He has so many different qualities,
that i can't seem to pin a "perfect" name for him.

I've wanted to call him [the new]Mr.Perfect
but that's jumping the gun.
I still dont know a lot about him.
He's still very close with his X.
Emotionally attached, if you will
(they're still besfriends)

So until I can find a name,
he will remaind nameless.

He left a few hours ago.
On thursday night he came and picked me up from my house.
He met my brother, who had stopped by,
and we proceeded to his house.
the next day around 3pm,
we peeled away from his bedroom,
went and got sushi,
then returned to his house.
he drove me home around 10pm,
and then returned at about 1am this morning.

Heh.
o_O

You really are my ecstacy
Matty B.

Look At You. Check You Out.

I came home from a long, busy day of work
to find that my roommates had moved out..
COMPLETLY.
I knew that they were moving today,
but i left a house full of life,
and came home to a gutted carcass.
the only thing left was my bedroom,
and a magazine and a cigarette butt in my toilet.

Bye.
Bone to pick.
Matty B.

Look At You. Check You Out.

I came home from a long, busy day of work
to find that my roommates had moved out..
COMPLETLY.
I knew that they were moving today,
but i left a house full of life,
and came home to a gutted carcass.
the only thing left was my bedroom,
and a magazine and a cigarette butt in my toilet.

Bye.
Bone to pick.
Matty B.

Sometimes I Give Into Sadness, Sometimes I Don't

The sun wasn't even awake.
My eyes barely open,
my mind stubbornly dormant,
I stumble out of my apartment,
and start the treck to the dreaded bus stop.
It's a beautiful morning.
Still dusk,
The air is crisp and clean in my chest.
i wrap my sweater around me tighter,
and thumb my iPod in my pocket,
Fefe Dobson fueling each exhausting step.
The song comes to an end,
and suddenly the Veronicas are raging about personal revolution,
turning over a new leaf,
and starting a new [mind blowing] relationship.
I smile to myself
and realize that, that's what i have.
I'm starting new.
ALL NEW.

I have a new job.
I have a new apartment.
I have new friends.
I have a new "main squeeze".

As i bound up the stairs leading to the pedestrian bridge,
Christina Aguilera wails into my ear,
and as the creamy orange sun dribbles over the horizion,
i can feel my heart smile.
Almost instantly,
i find myself with the biggest grin on my face,
and energy in each step.
I find my body moving to the music,
my soul rejoicing with each beat,
and my mood sky rockets.
it's 5:41am and i am dancing to the bus stop on the pedestrian bridge.
The bus flies by,
but i don't fret,
because my life is amazing.
I spend the next half hour wondering how my life managed to fall together, so.
I finally decide that it doesn't matter.
because it did.
and god damn it,
it feels amazing.

Ain't no otha man, but you
Matty B.

Are You Happy?

I got an email from this girl i used to go to highschool with,
before I moved out of my mom's house.

I'm sitting at my computer,
looking through emails,
and this girl i haven't heard from in three years
sends me an email that says:

Hello.
Are you happy?

It kind of caught me off gaurd,
i mean, i spent a good portion of the afternoon approving comments
on my new picture of me wearing little pink briefs.

I spent the next hour or so thinking about it,
and although I have a lot of pro's and cons to my life, right now,
i honestly can say,

Yes. I am happy.

i have a home, food, money, friends, a fantastic job, a small waist, a main squeeze that makes me smile.. over all, I'm happy with myself.

what else could i want?

Matty Is BANGIN!
Matty B.

The Beating of Your Heart, Bay-be

I lied there.
My eyes open,
looking up into the darkness of my room.
I thought about what we talked about,
Pet peeves, weird habits, past relationships.
I close my eyes,
lean into my pillow,
and think about the beat of your heart,
and i'm back in your bed,
lying naked in your arms,
my head on your chest,
legs tangled in your,
our breaths long and in snyc.
I can smell Tommy on you;
feel the heat from your body wrap it's self around me,
keeping me safe and warm;
affirming my dreams;
confronting my fears.

I hear the slam of the door,
and suddenly it's 11:42am,
and i've been snuggling with an oversized zebra print pillow.
ah but of course.

Too good to be true?
I've Seen Black, and I've Seen Blue, But Now I See You.

Tales of a Teenage Gypsy

Things are not going as planned.
My mother was supposed to sign my lease.
My paychecks are supposed to be bigger.
My life was supposed to start.

When can I call my place home?
Fuck.

Hali-what?
Matty B.

You Have Hate In Your Eyes, And Spinach In Your Teeth

I woke up this morning,
and looked out the window.
What do I see?
A beautiful sunny day,
just calling my name!

I hop in the shower,
sit down in front of my computer,
and myspace.

..wait what?

Ah, the glory of having a day off.
Sunrise, sunrise, it's like morning in your eyes-"
Matty B.

Painting Is Like Eating; It's Like Sex.

I'm sitting here at the apartment,
watching SATC,
and enjoying some SSB [secret single behavior] time.

I've been thinking about a lot, lately.
Most importantly,
I've been thinking about relationships that I'm going to have.
I figure that i'm going to get from the world,
what i give out, right?

I looked over my myspace,
connexion,
and facebook,
and although I like attention,
I always complain that i feel like a piece of meat.

i guesss I'd like to find someone that
enjoys my company
AND
thinks i'm sexy.

it just seems it's one or the other.

Music is the most personal thing someone can share with you.
Matty B.

Hata's are gonna hate, and Playa's are gonna play.

You can try and tear me down,
but i'm in this state of acceptance,
that you only hate on me because you're
JEALOUS


You're dead to me.
Now go get a life.

Stop trying to control my life,
just because you can't control yours.

Pathetic.
Everyone is right.
You are in ruins without me.
What do you do with all your free time, now?
I mean, you don't have any friends..

Oh yeah..
YOU EAT

You KNOW you want to be me
Matty B.

Massive II

Was amazing.
I went with this huge group of kids,
and we ended up naming ourselves
the Boulder Raving Crew.

The best of the best are invited to join.
It was SO much fun.
This party was aweseome,
AND at an amazing venue.

I know you want me.
Matty B.

[INSERT DRAMA HERE]

My days seem to go by a lot slower,
when there isn't any drama.

I wake up in the morning,
and insted of the hazy fog of pessimism clouding my day,
I see the clear skies,
and smell the approaching snow.

Girlfriend and her new boyfriend woke me up this morning
[by pouncing on me, while i was sleeping, OF COURSE]
and I started my day with laughter.
How many people are fortunate enough to say,
that they started their day with laughter?
I really feel that if everyone decided
to wake up next to someone that made them smile,
their lives would be so much more fullfilling.
..Maybe that's what love is.

Every morning over the past.. 6 months?
I've been focusing on what's wrong with my life;
who I hate,
who's life I should ruin,
what i hate about myself.
But recently i've been fortunate enough to have to oppertunity to wake up
an smile.
Oh no, I'm not in love.
Hahahaha, that's a sticky situation that i'm not ready for.
But as far as friends go,
I can honestly say that people are only your friends
if when you wake up with them in the morning,
and you laugh,
then they've done their job.

Ha. As far as being "in" love,
well, that's negotioble.

Although i'm going to be moving into a studio,
and being alone a lot of the time,
I think what i'm going to have to do,
is CHOOSE to love myself enough to smile.
I currently have a difficult time with that,
just because my worst and biggest fear is being alone,
mostly as result of my absent past.

It's funny because i've shared a bedroom with my little brother my ENTIRE life.
until the day i moved out [june 17th, 2005] all i wanted was my space.
all i wanted was to be alone.
..and now,
i would give anything to have my little brother lying next to me at night.
Although we had our ups and downs,
he always made me laugh in the morning.

I was thinking about him today
because my mother called and told me to keep next saturday open,
so that i could go ride go-carts with him in boulder for his birthday,
and i've missed him a lot more that i thought.

[pause]

Ha. Sorry, It just kills me sometimes to think about him.
Heh, he doesn't even call me anymore.
He's so mad at me for moving out.
For years, my mother and I would scream at eachother,
and she'd throw things,
throw me out,
Ha. She even hit me in the face with a pot, one day.
When I moved out,
I guess i never really thought about him.
Everytime i see him,
he's a little big bigger.
a little blonder,
a little zittier,
a little smellier,
a little sadder.
I think know he blames me.
Because everytime i look into his eyes,
everytime i hear his voice,
it screams,
How could you leave me here?
How could you leave me all alone, and never look back?
I thought you loved me.

I was over at my mother's house about 5 months ago,
[fighting as usual]
and he had a friend over.
My mother was smoking on the porch,
and i was sitting in the living room,
and i hear his friend ask,
"Who is that talking to your mom?"
his reply was,
"I dunno. Just some guy, I guess."

I haven't heard him tell me he loves me
and MEAN it,
in over a year.

I'm sorry, bubba.
I love you more than you could ever know.
but i had to leave.
you'll be okay, though.
CJ and I will take care of you.
We talked about it recently,
and we've decided you're going to be alright.
We're you're big brother's for christs' sake.

[pause]
[sorry, i'm.. i'm just tired]

I know you don't read this.
but if you ever do,
just remember this:

I know you're unhappy, kiddo.
you're feeling EXACTLY what i felt,
and i am SO sorry.
i feel like such a horrible person.
Everyday when i wake up,
i have a picture of you and CJ taped to my bathroom mirror,
so that i know someone loves me.
To remind me i come from somewhere,
and i love you so much.

Shit sucks.
I know.
I KNOW.
You're sad.
You're angry.
You're angry at me,
and that's okay.
But one day,
like me,
you'll wake up
and choose to smile.

if you can't do that for anyone,
do it for yourself.
because that's the only way you can get through the day.
I love you, bubba.

[wow]
erm.. I guess i had to get that out.
he's such a great kid.
straight A's and 1st chair in orchestra for viola.
Ha. What did i ever do?
got C's and D's,
and did a few flips.

I know most people aspire to be like their older siblings,
but i can honestly say,
that i would aspire to be like my younger one.

You would've done the same
Matty B.

Runaway

I am SO tired.
Absolutely exhausted.
Worked at 4am.
Although it was a long day,
I thought that it would end how i wanted it to.

Ha. Psyke!
It just ended with dissapointing news.
Porn it is.

Everytime, i swear!
Matty B.

$1.85, Please.

I took the bus to Louisville.
When i got to my room,
i ripped off my shoes,
and through myself into my bed.

Almost immidiately,
tears streamed out of my eyes,
and i wrapped my arms around my stuffed dog
[that my garndma gave me, back in the day]
and let it out.

Today was such a blur,
but it felt good to be home.
I cried with relief,
with angst.
with happiness.

And it was WAY overdue.

It doesn't matter what they say, in the jealous games people play!
Matty B.

Suddenly I See. This Is Where I Want To Be.

I sit at the window.
I can feel the hard wooden chair beneath me,
secure, strong, stable.
I prop my feet up on the windowsill,
and the cool winter air filters through the screen,
and cascades over my ankles,
and settles between my toes.
I cast a dreary gaze out the window,
and i watch the smoke from my cigarette billow up and out,
grabbing the frame, and releasing it from it's confines.
The bells from the trains are dinging,
and the faint sound of cars excessively rushing around
reminds me of how at home I feel.
I lean back,
and inhale deeply,
breathing in the hot smoke of my cigarette,
mixed with the refreshing air of my new life;
my blank slate.
I smile to myself,
because this time is going to be different.
Because this time, I'm going to put in the footwork.
I'm going to make a difference.
As if straight to gods ear,
the smoke creeps out of my mouth,
and swirls to the screen,
where it leaps off,
carrying with it, my faith.
The clock hits 1am,
and i know i should go to bed,
but i want to soak up this feeling.
I want to remember this for when I'm down:
That I'm going to be alright.
For the first time,
I'm excited for life.

And it feels so goddamn good.

Too Strong, For Too Long.
Matty B.

Here In Your Arms

I found someone that makes me smile.
A real honest to god smile.

I found someone that makes me blush.
I've blushed eight times in my life,
and five of those times,
he was the inspiration.

I found someone that makes me laugh.
We lie on his bed,
and watch Futurama,
after he finishes his Italian homework.

I found someone that's smart.
I try to keep up with his big words
and witty remarks,
but they end up just getting caught in my mouth,
and fall out in a big jumbled mess.
[not unlike my life]

I found someone that inspires me to write.
Not in blogs.
Standard, pen on paper, write.
I've found that words just travel through my veins,
and explode onto my pad
with a plethora of words,
dancing over hills of stick figures
playing in BIC fields.

I've found someone to look at.
Not look at.
I mean, look at.
When i look into his eyes,
i can see genuine compassion.
The best part is,
is that i know when he looks into my eyes,
he sees a unique honesty in mine.

I've found someone to hold.[/hold me]
All of my senses are stimulated when I'm with him.
his strong arms just wrap around me,
and i can feel his heartbeat
tune in sync with mine.
His body becomes a security blanket,
that not only keeps me warm,
but safe.

I've found someone that thinks I'm sexy.
He told me so.
And it was honest.
And no one has ever said that to me before.

I've found someone that seems .. ideal.
As long as i stay cool,
i think we should be okay.
I'm not over analizing,
It's just so overwhelming to feel this new sense of..
It's amazing to have a clean slate.
And I wouldn't prefer to clean slate with ANYONE else.

This is going to be good for me.
[for the both of us]

I can feel it.
And best of all,
I'm still smiling.

Plastic Stars. in Our Private Galaxy.
Matty B.

The Game Of Life: Don't Hate The Playa, Hate The Game

Lately I feel that I'm the only one playing the game.
It really has been a game for me in the past,
and now that i'm getting good at it,
I feel that the other players are getting frusterated,
and throwing in the towel.

With old friend's that i have tiffs with,
they start a new round,
but they don't have the heart to finish it.
It's puzzling, because they know that once they get the ball rolling,
it just goes and goes and goes,
until it explodes into the inevitable wall of drama.

With boys,
I can't ever tell.
Some boys give me free drugs.
[but then never make a move]
Some boys offer me affection.
[then disguise their feelings/or lack of in words]
Some boys offer me friendship.
[then they lie to me, and don't cover their trails]
And finally some boys judge me.
[then spead lies about me]

What am I supposed to do about that?
It's confusing, because I have a general contentment in life, right now.
Or something that mimicks that.

So in this new state of mine,
I've become quite observant.
And it's hard,
because when i respond to people's words,
they become irate and angry,
because they don't like the truth that comes from my lips.
And when I respond with silence,
I'm screamed at because of the things i'm thinking.
Because apparently i'm silently judging.

That's not fair.
I've been through a lot recently.
Fuck i've been through a lot in my life,
and i'm so proud of the person I am today.

It's incredibly bothorsome when i'm constantly ridiculed
and hated because of things i'm not doing.
The words that aren't coming out of my mouth,
because of things that i'm apparently thinking.

Well fuck you.
I'm trying my goddamn best.
I'm working really hard,
and while i don't have much,
what i DO have matters.
it may not matter to you,
but goddamn it,
IT MATTERS TO ME.

So fuck you, haters.
Stop hating me,
just because today i was happier than you.
Just because today i didn't want to kill myself.
Just because today i did something good for me.
Just because today, i smiled.

And it made everyother day worth while.

thank you for respecting that.

I know I love me, and that's all that matters.
Matty B.

Skimming The Surface


People are very interesting.
I've found that by silently watching people's behaviors and actions,
it actually tells a lot more about who they are as a person.
It's interesting that I'm the one sitting and watching,
when usually i'm the one jabbering all over the place,
completely unaware of other people's thoughts or feelings.

Being a barista at [a very well known coffee shop] has really cultured me.
I get to see hundreds of people a day,
all with a different story,
but they all seem to meet together
[or barely miss eachother]
at my particular shop.

For instance, there is a woman with a red beret that comes in;
orders a non-fat double grande eggnog latte with whip but no sprinkles,
everyday.
I've talked to her a few times briefly,
but i've gathered that she recently returned from france.
To escape the <> [european police],
she hid inside a women's bathroom stall,
where she almost got caught when her cell phone rang.
After almost an hour of her hand covering her dog's mouth,
she stepped out of the red stall,
and cleaned the dirt off of her new Versace stilhuetto's,
and proceeded to the nearest boutique to continue shopping.
Why was she hiding, you ask?
Because her dog that she was babysitting
[for her parents]
pooped next to a statue,
while she was smoking a cigarette, without her notice.
Is the story true?
Probably not.
But i have to say that with every customer,
it's a little mental vacation.

It's like watching the trailers to their
"My Life, According To Me" movie.

Plus,
it gives me something to write about.

I'm on a stakeout!
Matty B.

Release
I feel different, today.
I'm not putting all my chips in,
because that would make me look crazy
[which i'm not]
and desperate.
[which i'm not]

I think the best thign about this weekend,
was that i was okay.
I cooked and cleaned for myself,
watched some TV,
Hug out with friends,
met this amazing person,
and i feel okay.
I'm not even over-analizing everything,
lie i normally do.

wow.
I think i will rest easy tonight.
And i haven't done that in a while.

[Attention!]: I'm growing up!

All i need now is an apartment.

I stirred up a little trouble..[and it was purely accidental and innocent]
Matty B.

Wacky, Tacky, But True [Mostly]

A few things have gone a little arye.
A former friend of mine is plauging people with all these lies.
Restraining order, Re-inacting QAF, BLAH BLAH.

Don't people realize that the truth makes a better story?

The truth hurts. And so does your face.
Matty B.

I'm Focused, I Want This.

I click the phone shut.
I fly into the shower,
where i completely scour my body,
washing, scrubbing, shaving,
i rinse the last of the soap out of my hair,
and rotate seamlessly in the cascading water.
time picks up,
and i'm throwing on a scarf,
and i'm standing at his door with a bottle of Bacardi.
Inside there is chattering,
laughing,
drinking.
Time steps by,
as i make my way to the back of the house,
where he's standing there.
He sees me,
and a grin explodes onto his face,
and suddenly time is flying by unnoticeably.
I drink the jungle juice,
did some shots,
and found myself recieving a tour of the house.
He leads me around,
introduces me to small cliques of friends,
and i'm sitting on his bed talking to him.
He recieves a phone call,
and i'm back downstairs talking to his friends and roommates.
Hours slide by,
and i'm lying on my back, in his bed.
The cool sheets send a subtle tingle tingle down my body,
as he traces it with his fingers.
he lowers his face down to mine,
and i can smell Bacardi and Fruit punch on his breath.
poisture collects on his lips,
and we kiss.
He cradles my body in his arms,
and protects me from everything.
3:57am and our lips are still firmly connected,
5:01am and our bodies are inseperable.
7:09am and our souls connect,
and at 9:45 i break away from his trance,
only to realize it's late morning.
Our hands, legs, entangled,
kissing eachother everywhere,
grabbing,
stroking,
embracing eachother,.
so as to forget the day's responsibilities.
sweat lubricates our bodies,
but he holds me tight,
and i know this is real.
the sun shoots up,
and we're lying there together,
my head on his chest,
his arms around my frame,
holding me close.
We talk.
Lying there,
A small look of accomplishment and satisfaction creeping onto his expression.
The house wakes up,
but we're oblivious,
because we're touching,
feeling,
living,
11:29am and "You turn me on so much-"
I abruptly stop.
I thought about that for a moment.
I look him straight in the eye,
and tell him no one's ever said that to me.
He laughs, and asks what kind of assholes i've been dating.
1:45pm and i have to leave.
It took every bit of strength i had.
But as i'm walking out,
he grabs me,
kisses me,
and tells me to expect a call.
I smile,
walk out the door,
put on my Dolce and Gabanna sunglasses,
and drive away.


It's NEVER felt so right before.
Matty B.

Were Not Children. THERE ARE NO TAKE-SIES BACK-SIES!

It has come to my attention that there are some haters out there..

Some talk shit to my face.
Some talk shit about me behind my back.

But just a little FYI for everybody:


I don't care what you think.
I don't care what you have to say.
I work hard and I play hard,
And I get was i deserve;
Positive and negative.

The difference between me and every scene kid out there?
I don't go home any cry over spilt milk.
I learn from my mistakes,
and I enjoy the fruits of my good decisions.

What does this mean?
This means that NO ONE can judge me.

Have you lived my life?
NO.

Have you experienced what i have?
NO.

Do you see life like I do?
NO.

So fuck off.
all of you.

If you don't have anything nice to say,
don't say anything at all.

And keep my mother fuckin' name out yo mouth,
or i'll cut a bitch.

You know you want to be [in] me..
Matty B.

6:31am, and I'm still going, and going, and going
I haven't slept in 24 hours.
Yikes.

Well, i'm off to work,
and then i'll be home to sleep.
"home" is the key word.

huh. funny how people are sometimes.

You'll never be the same
Matty B.

You Go There, We'll Go Here, and.. YOU STAY HERE ALONE!

Hm.. everyone left.
Some people went to go get chasers,
And some went to go get party favors,
Instead of being faught over,
I was told to stay here.
Alone, specifically.

Heh.
Times are a changin'
And it couldn't be stranger.

You Know You Love Me?
Matty B.